Expansions and additions
by slaquan
Summary: I wanted to add depth to some of my stories about the Wolf-Peralta clan
1. Chapter 1

This is another story while I'm figuring out Reunion. I've been thinking more about the Wolf-Peralta clan but I was not interested in aging the kids too much. This will be a series of expansions on scenes in New Additions to the Family, More Additions, and Completing the Saga. slf

(The morning after Ava confesses to sleeping with Doris)

_"You. You're still here?"_

_"Yeah and I'm starving. You're fridge is worse than my mom's. I guess I'm going to be the one who cooks in this relationship too" Stunned. "I used the forty dollars you gave me last night to pick up some actual food. I can't afford to eat out every weekend and you might as well use this to hold more than yogurt and wine" looking at the leaking bottle she sighed "that's going to be a bear to clean up if it gets behind the fridge"_

When and if Ava ever saw Ashlee again she expected the younger women to treat her with either cold disdain or completely ignore her as other exs had once an unforgivable character flaw was discovered. It had not taken much for most of the people who promised to love her forever to look at her as if she were a horrible mistake that should be quickly forgotten. So seeing Ashlee walking into the kitchen carrying a bag in the opposite direction of the front door was disconcerting. It was this disconnect that had Ava staring in shock as Ashlee kneeled to wipe up the leaking wine. Another one of her messes that someone else had to straighten out Ava thought with sadness as she bent down beside Ashlee and took the damp towel from her hand. "You don't have to do that. I can clean up behind myself."

"I know you can but I already have on shoes and I don't want you to risk getting cut on the glass" Ashlee whispered as she concentrated on the growing stain. She hadn't really thought how it would all work out once she saw Ava in the bright light of day. It had been enough last night to know that Ava wanted her as much as she wanted the brunette. It hadn't occurred to her that Ava's anxiety might increase after the confession. For Ashlee last night again proved how much they were meant to be together. Before Jake arrived she had every intention of acting on her growing physical and emotional desires. There was not a moment since rescuing Ava from Jake in the Sushi restaurant that Ashlee had not ached for a physical connection. At first she hadn't seen their constant texting or emailing as anything other than a growing friendship but an impending lunch date with Daisy made her as distracted. Regardless if she had shared her body with Ava before learning the (EVENTS THAT SHALL NEVER BE DISCUSSED) Ashlee did not know if she could have ever gotten past it but now she had to distract Ava from her habit of brooding. "Why don't you put the groceries away while I Swiffer the floor."

They worked for an hour in weighted silence fearing what the other would finally say and fearing inability to articulate what they were feeling. After looking at the now gleaming spot Ashlee figured it would be stupid not to do the entire floor. Eventually the floor led to the counters and then to the dishes. Ava put away the food and prepped ingredients for omelets and took over the dishes once Ashlee was ready to cook. They ate focused on their plates with occasional discreet glances towards the other until Ashlee stood up and cleared the plates. When she felt a spark of electricity pass between them as their hands bushed but Ava's only reaction was to attempt to flee Ashlee knew moving them past this point would be up to her. "Ava don't" Ashlee whispered as she felt Ava tense and attempt to pull away. "We have to talk about this."

"What is there to talk about? It's only nine you still have time to do all the homework you have been avoiding. I'll drive you to the station and."

Shaking her head Ashlee pulled Ava's hand and directed her towards the sofa and said "It's waited this long it can sit a little longer. I'm not leaving until we figure this out."

"Ash" Ava groaned still refusing to face her. "What is there to say? I slept with your mom and before that I was sleeping with a married man. I slept with Remy while I was in love with Bill and those are just some of the reasons you should be grateful that Jake interrupted us when he did. I'm the last person that you should even be friends with much less."

"Well that's your opinion but." Ashlee began before Ava interrupted.

"It'll be yours too once you've thought about everything. You don't need me confusing your head." Ava concluded before standing up and untangling their hands. "Anyway I'll be going back to Springfield next month and."

"And you think that changes anything? You think that if we were together I wouldn't do whatever it took to make things work?" Ashlee said standing up as well before the woman she'd slowly fallen in love. "Don't you know anything about me by now?"

"I know that you are one of the most special and honest and trustworthy people I know." Ava said with a bright smile before it dimmed and faded when she further confessed "I know that you don't need to deal with my baggage and complications. I haven't exactly been a Sunday school teacher. You should find some nice sweet guy or girl that no one will whisper about as you walk by. I know that you're going to find the perfect person to love you the way you deserve."

"I already have if I can stop her from wrecking everything before it even begins." At that the tears that were burning Ava's eyes began to flow steadily down her face and she doubled over and sank to the floor and tremble as Ashlee took her in her arms. She listened to Ava's labored breathing until it evened out and became calm. The only thing she could think was how lucky she was to have this opportunity and vowed to never let Ava get away despite her insecurity. "Baby there is no way that I'm going to let anyone in your past destroy this not even my mother."

"Ashlee you say this now but what happens when your mother finds out about us? She might be with Blake now and we might be friends but that doesn't mean she isn't going to be totally against you dating me. And if that weren't enough I'm sure it wouldn't be too long before my disgruntled exs start warning you about me" Ava sighed again almost in exasperation but she was not the only one.

Ashlee was becoming increasingly frustrated by Ava's refusal to even consider them as a possibility. "Do you think I give a damn what anyone else thinks of you or me? Do you think I would let anyone dictate our relationship? I'm a lot stronger than you think Ava and I can take care of myself just fine regardless of what you might believe." Using one hand to hold Ava's head towards her own and using the other to wrap around Ava's waist Ashlee rolled them until she was hovering above and vented. "Do you think that I haven't done anything that I regret? Do you think the same people wouldn't talk just as much about me? I don't care about anyone's opinion except yours. And I don't care who you slept with or what you did before we got together because I know who you are when you're with me. I know how you make me feel Ava and I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose you." With infinite care and tenderness Ashlee slowly lowered her lips towards Ava's mouth and prayed that she wouldn't pull away. The fear in Ava's eyes would have been humorous at any other time but Ashlee was hoping that Ava could trust in them long enough to push past the doubts. There were just millimeters between the two but Ashlee refused to close the distance if Ava was unwilling. Ashlee closed her eyes and was preparing for heartache when the lightest weight brushed past her lips once then twice before Ava pulled away. "Do you trust me?"

Ava's eyes had drifted shut sometime during the kiss but at hearing the soft words blinked and flew wide. "Of course I do. You know that."

"Then trust me when I say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm not going to ever let you go."

They spent the rest of their time together wrapped around each other trying to adjust and comprehend everything that had shifted in their relationship. Neither was looking forward to the drive towards the drive to the station that signaled the end of their weekend together. There would be calls, texts, and emails but it would not be the same and never had 5 days seemed so long. "I'll be back next weekend. I'll catch up on everything so that when Friday comes I can spend the weekend concentrating on you." Ashlee said as she leaned over the console to kiss her girlfriend goodbye in the dark train station parking lot. "It's only 5 days. It will go by like that." She said with a small smile.

Ava was hugging her tight and leaning her head on her shoulder when she softly suggested "I could drive you there. It would only take maybe 2 or 3 hours and" but had to pull it up quickly when Ashlee roughly pulled away.

"No don't even start that. First off you are already tired and have a long day tomorrow."

"But"

"No"

"I thought you would want to spend as much time with me as possible." Ava said looking away before Ashlee pulled her head back and placed their foreheads together. "There is nothing I want more but I don't need you getting exhausted by driving up and down California. Anyway if you got within a mile of campus I wouldn't stop until I had you in my bed."

"I wouldn't mind."

"Neither would I but your boss might and besides this isn't going away. You don't have to worry that I'm going to change my mind. Tomorrow, next week, three years from now I'm still going to want to be with you." Ashlee could tell that she'd voiced Ava's secret fears from the way Ava's eyes fluttered and she bit her lip. "I will call you when I get home and I will think of nothing but you until we are together again Friday."


	2. Chapter 2

(Their first time)

_"I want to make love to you all day Ava. I want to taste you and feel you cuming beneath me. I want to smell you on my skin and hear you moaning my name over and over again. I have months, years worth of fantasies all staring you naked and sweaty any and everywhere I can have you" Ava had the stretched big eyes again but Ashlee plowed on "I'm not scared about wanting you Ava. I I'm just scared I won't be enough for you."_

In two days Ashlee would be leaving Springfield and Ava didn't know how she was going to deal with waiting three more months until June before they were together permanently. Yes she was going to be in California for a week next month to finish up her move from the apartment and Ashlee would be in Springfield for spring break but would it be enough? Their relationship was still new and now it was going to be over and even longer distance. Distance had always been a factor but until now they at least had the weekends. Now they would not even have that consolation. Would Ashlee really want to continue this once she saw all the things she was missing because Ava was two time zones away? The younger woman had her entire life before her was it even fair to ask her to limit herself simply because Ava lived in Springfield. When she moved her arm from across her eyes Ava looked up into the most beautiful blue eyes she'd ever seen. The thought of Ashlee not loving her was more than she could handle in this vulnerable state.

"Were you even listening to me?" Ashlee laughed and rubbed her stomach underneath the hospital dressing gown.

"Umm what do you think?" Ava asked and batted her lashes hoping that her obvious flirting would distract the blond.

Ashlee narrowed her eyes before responding "I think that you're trying real hard to get into trouble" and then leaned low to whisper in Ava's ear before adding "and it might be working." When Ava turned to make trademarked snark her breath caught looking at the sun from the window sparkling in the golden hair. Time stood still and both openly gazed at the other in wonder and awe. Two months ago Ava had floundered from coming between two relationships. Everyone commented how devoted Jake was to his family before she arrived and Doris was Olivia's best and dearest friend in years. She had gone from being a pariah to the love of Ashlee Wolf's life and the fortune of it left her gasping in wonder. So of course just as they leaned towards each other to kiss the doctor would come in holding charts, files, and ex-rays.

Ava was pronounced healed and Ashlee could in good conscious return to school. There was still a huge ugly scar that Ashlee mistakenly thought sexy and she was facing several months of physical therapy to regain the muscle mass and flexibility but she was healthy and safe. They both were trying their best to remain focused once the orthopedist made his diagnosis but both their minds were on getting back to the Beacon as soon as possible. Ava knew that she was better and had been trying to seduce Ashlee for the past week but the younger woman refused to compromise Ava's health.

To say that it had been a trying two weeks was an understatement. They were back at the Beacon after watching Emma at the farmhouse while Natalia and Francesca were still at the hospital. It had not been so bad for the few days they were there. Neither of them wanted to start something that Emma might burst through the door and interrupt but the suite was only so big. They usually showered, ate, and spend all day with each other. Instead of only making them more irritable and short tempered it spiked their already obvious physical attraction to each other. Not only were they both in less than perfect health they there was no weekday reprieve as in California. If something did not happen soon someone was going to combust.

"Do you want to do something while we are out or do you want to go back to the hotel?" Ashlee asked in what she hoped was a smooth and calm voice. Oh please if there is a God in heaven don't let her want to do something other than me Ashlee silently prayed. The week before the mugging Ashlee had spent most of her free time researching online every possible position to bring Ava the most pleasure while they made love. If that idiot hadn't attempted to mug them they would already be lovers. She would already know what Ava tasted like and how she smelled and the way she sounded when she… "Sweet lord" Ashlee groaned as she let down the window.

"What did you say?"

Shaking her foggy head Ashlee quickly said "Nothing" and tried her best to figure out what Ava had just said.

"You okay Ash?"

"Yes, of course. So did you want to see a movie or go to the mall?"

"You know that I would do anything to make you happy right?"

Laughing Ashlee looked over to the other woman sensing that she had to fight against dark looming thoughts. "Does that mean that you're going to let me hold your credit card?"

"I'm serious. You're young and just starting off on your own. I don't want you to feel like you have to settle down or give up your freedom for…"

"Stop okay." Ashlee interrupted "we've already been through this. I don't need to sleep with a bunch of different people to know what's right in front of me. I don't want freedom. I want you." The genuineness and purity of the statement left Ava breathless and she could only smile gently towards her love. "So your chariot awaits word my lady." Ashlee said trying to keep her words and tone light. She did not want Ava to feel pressured about them making love although if they didn't now, that only left tonight and tomorrow afternoon. There was little hope out for the mornings because Ava was barely coherent before ten Ashlee realized.

She loved Ava enough to wait forever but the thought of flying all the way to California without once getting off would cause her to drink heavily. It had been two weeks since they checked into the Beacon and she was in considerable pain most of those days but when she felt better she was still unable to relax enough to orgasm. She had tried but Ava was with her all the time and if Ashlee was unaccounted for Ava came looking. Besides she felt guilty for the one or two minutes she was away on actual errands. Ashlee could have just done in front of Ava the older woman was certainly open enough but even the idea of doing that alone got her flustered it would have been a disaster with Ava watching. More importantly it wasn't how she imagined their first coupling. There was supposed to be wine, dancing, and music and they would shout out each other's name as they simultaneously combusted.

"Well?" Ashlee said as she took a deep breath as she felt sweat drip down her back.

"So now whose is ignoring who?"

"I wasn't ignoring you I was just thinking."

"About?" Ava asked but Ashlee could only open her mouth widely several times and attempt to clear her throat. "That good uh?" Ava laughed as Ashlee blushed brightly. "Baby the only place I want be is the Beacon making love with you."

"We don't have to do anything just because of what the doctor said. I don't want you to feel like."

"Ash, do you want to make love to me?" Ava asked unwilling to let her girlfriend's selfless and considerate nature miss let them this opportunity. At the sight of Ashlee's flushed nod Ava continued "Good because I want to make love to you. So why the hell would we waste our time at a movie?" She had always known that Ava was a genius.

As they walked through the lobby Ava excused herself to order their meal from the restaurant and told Ashlee she'd be up soon. Ashlee could not help but feel self-conscious. Had she remembered to shave, should she take a shower just in case, and tried to remember what she'd eaten for breakfast. By this time tomorrow Ava and she would be lovers in every sense of the word and she couldn't help wondering again if she would be enough. She wasn't a virgin and she felt fairly confident that she could please Ava but she could never give Ava the material wealth that Bill and Alan-Michael offered or the respectability that Remy or Coop did.

"The food will be here in an hour. Did you want to take a shower before we eat?" Ava said from the doorway. Neither shy nor reserved were words that could be attributed to Ava but when Ashlee looked up that's exactly how the older woman looked. She was playing with her cuticles and looking down at her feet. Both were habits when Ava felt less than confident. The fact that Ava was just as unsure as she was somehow boosted Ashlee's own certainty. The other woman might have had more experience but she'd also had more heartbreak and disappointment. Every other person Ava ever shared herself with walked away. Whether it was because they grew bored or exhausted from Ava's self-destructive demands they all left her heart more torn and battered than before. Ava was probably thinking of all the previous times that the promised forever was supposed to last. Ashlee was determined to be different. She would never walk away and Ava would never be strong enough to push her away.

"Yeah I'm going to take a bath" Ashlee said softly and made sure to keep her eyes trained on Ava's as she gathered her things. "Are you going to join me?" she asked she dropped her clothing at the door. This was far from their first naked encounter but Ashlee could not help but to feel nervous although she tried her best to keep her limbs from shaking. A thousand images of the upcoming night flew through her mind each more stimulating than the last but she tried her best to focus and stay in the moment. Ashlee was determined that they share at least half a century together but there would never be another first time.

"Our foods getting cold" Ava said as she climbed out of the tub and held a towel open. Never had her senses been so heightened. Everything she'd ever wanted was before her. Ashlee was everything she hadn't even dreamed was possible. It made her ashamed that the younger woman was so anxious about pleasing her. Ashlee had only shared her body with the only man she'd ever loved and it was unfair that she was the one that felt inadequate. For so long Ava used her body as nothing more than a commodity for necessary needs and superfluous desires. It was exactly what Catherine had raised her to detest and what she'd hypocritically accused of Olivia. Now all she wanted was to be worthy of her girlfriend's affections.

They ate in silence and mounting tension and both had to take deep breaths to push down fears and insecurities. Ava had avoided ordering any alcohol but now she was wondering if it was such a good idea. "Hey, its okay we don't have to do anything that you aren't comfortable with." It was what she'd practiced saying for months at this moment but was surprised to hear them uttered by her dinner companion instead. When she looked up Ashlee reached for her hand and kissed the palm softly. "Ava I will love you for the rest of my life. I would be honored to spend the night just holding you."

"How do you do that?" Ava asked as she looked down at her cold plate and smiled.

"Do what? Love you?" Ashlee asked with smoldering stare. "It's what I was made for. It's the only thing that I know for sure."

Ava wasn't so sure how their roles were reversed but she was enjoying being the object of Ashlee's passionate ardor. She was supposed to be the one easing Ashlee into the next phase of their relationship but Ava had learned long ago never to underestimate the blond. "I know that I can't bare another night without you." Standing up and holding out a hand Ava pulled Ashlee into her arms and kissed her lips softly before hugging her tight. "Let me love you."

"For the rest of my life."

It was not what she expected. It wasn't anything like the DVDs or online videos had described. Ashlee could not even imagine that anything on earth could be so soft and inviting. Falling into Ava was literally like falling into heaven. She had not wanted to rush like a horny teenage boy but dear God she didn't know if Ava would ever be safe with her again. It wasn't just the rush from hearing Ava chant her name or the jolt from Ava's nails raking up and down her back but the absolute knowledge that of all the people that had ever been with Ava she would be the last. Ava could have anyone yet she only wanted her. That's what pushed her over the edge. That is what kept her thrusting and straining even when her muscles cramped and groaned in protest.

"I love you."

"I know."

"I'm never going to get enough of you."

"I kind of figured that since you've held me hostage on this bed for the last" Ava said leaning over best she could towards the alarm clock. It took some effort since Ashlee adamantly refused to give up playing with her two favorite toys. She'd enthusiastically enjoyed Ava's breast since the beginning of their relationship. Yet now there was the added attraction of Ava's sex weeping against her stilled thigh while she licked and sucked. Ashlee didn't intend to stop until Ava orgasmed from that stimulation alone. "hour and a half" Ava groaned.

"Too bad." Ashlee said without pity as she continued to rub the tip of her tongue against Ava's nipples and areolas. "I have thirty hours and I intend to take my time saying goodbye to my two favorite girls." Ava used to think that Ashlee's preoccupation with her mammary glands was just a front to make Ava feel better about her less than impressive bust however recent events was calling this theory into question. Ava had never had a love that was so intrigued or enamored with her 32 c's before. Damned if Ashlee's persistence wasn't taking her to the edge despite herself. Ava had tried everything she knew to get Ashlee's fingers where she needed them most or even to grind against her so that Ava could get herself off. Ashlee refused and held Ava's frame rigid against herself.

"Baby please" Ava begged with tears forming.

Ashlee stopped long enough to say "You'll never have another lover Ava. Never." Before biting Ava's nipple hard and held on tight as her girlfriend shock in ecstasy.


	3. Chapter 3

(Making a long distance relationship work)

_The first weekend that Ashlee shared with Ava she'd decided to transfer to Northwestern. They had not kissed yet and she had not even imagined what it would mean to love this former rival but her heart knew as it knew its own habitual rhythms that her life was tied to the older woman's. Ava told her on that first Sunday drive to the station that she was moving back to her mothers in eight weeks and when Ashlee reached her room she'd researched the school's transfer policy._

It had been a long and exhausting three hour flight made even longer by the thirty minutes spent waiting on a filled tarmac but it had all been worth it when Ashlee saw Ava standing near the baggage area. Most college students would think that she was crazy to give up spring break on the West Coast for the Midwest but no one else had Ava as a girlfriend. The last time they saw each other was two months ago when Ava returned for a week to finish moving out of her San Francisco apartment. Ashlee had alternated between looking forward to and dreading those seven days because at their end Olivia would have no real reason to send her daughter back to California. They were reduced to skyping and texting to maintain their five month relationship. Whatever it took is what both had vowed but it was more than a little depressing to go from being with each other every weekend to two weeks every two to three months. This was the last separation Ashlee promised herself as she waited to debark. She didn't care what Northwestern or UC did with her credits Ashlee was determined to be as close to Ava as possible.

Like every other college student Ashlee used to spend the entire week looking forward to its last two days but now she dreaded them. She had the routine down to a science. Pack her clothes just before the first class on Friday and come at lunch to gather them so she could hop on a train right after the last class. Do her homework on the ride and as she waited for Ava to pick her up. This was her normal but now it was a herculean effort just to get out of bed. There were parties, friends, and events that she could distract herself with but no matter what was going on there was always a moment that Ashlee remembered how it should have been. This vacation would change all of that. She just had to get her mother and girlfriend to agree.

Ashlee was looking around so much that she almost passed right by Ava as she stood by the carousel. She had always considered Ava to be beautiful even when they were less than friendly during the Coop debacle but now she was simply stunning. Her hair needed a trim and was sticking up behind her ears and there was a tiny smudge of something by her lips but to Ashlee she had never looked better. Never in a million years would Ashlee have dared to dream of even being seen with someone so gorgeous but to know that not only did Ava want her but loved her was almost too much. In the space of a few seconds Ashlee went from ecstatic to overwhelmed and had tears clouding her vision. She tried to turn away and hide until her feeling could be contained but Ava looked up and her girlfriend's sparkling smile morphed into a frown of concern. "Baby what's wrong?" Ava asked with arms open wide as she hastily ended her call. "Whose butt do I have to kick for making my girl cry?" she asked in her best imitation of butch voice, "because you know I'll do it."

The voice did the trick and the tears that were threatening to fall were wringed out with a deep and unexpected laugh. "Have I told you that you are especially sexy when you're all aggressive and grr" Ashlee whispered as she kissed Ava's cheek.

"See I told you that I was the boy of the relationship." Ava preened as she pulled off the small roll away bag and turned to leave.

"Babe you didn't even know what month the Super Bowl was played in. I think that kind of disqualifies you from the male role" Ashlee said as she resisted the tug.

"What? I have your stuff right here."

"There's more." Ashlee said making sure not to look Ava in the eye and cursed her mother for the inherited cheapness gene. She could have avoided all this by just shipping it through the mail.

"You have your carry on and I have your checked in bag what more did you bring?"

"I'm going to be here for two weeks. You can't expect me to look good for you with only two small bags." Ashlee gasped and was pleased when Ava looked contrite. Now Ava might not get upset when the other one came Ashlee thought but it was promptly erased when both of eyebrows rose at the monstrosity that had circled the empting loop several times. "What?"

"Tell me that isn't your bag."

"It's not my bag." Ashlee mumbled as she inspected her sandals.

"What the hell? Did you pack your entire wardrobe?" It didn't help her case that there were bright yellow overweight stickers plastered around the rotund valise. The grunts that the skycap kept making as he stuffed it into Ava's Mercedes convertible were another strike against her. "Ash?" Ava asked again as they drove in silence. "Why did you bring so many clothes if you really planned on leaving in two weeks?" The last time they spoke they had sort of agreed that Ashlee would wait until the end of the semester before she moved back to Illinois but it was simply taking too long. Every day that passed was getting harder and any small issue that the couple had grew exponentially because of Ashlee's unease. If Ava talked to her five minutes less than usual Ashlee was convinced that they were on the verge of break up. Ava had to practically undress once over skype when Ashlee thought a new turtleneck was covering a hickey. "Ashlee?"

"What do you want me to say?" Ashlee yelled getting more irritated by the second by Ava's insistence that they remain a thousand miles apart. "Yes I packed too many clothes and No I do not plan on going back. Are you happy now?" Any other person would be overjoyed that their girlfriend was willing to do whatever it took for them to be together. Was she the only one wanted them to be together? Maybe Ava wasn't as committed as she claimed. "You know what just take me to my mom's house."

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Ava yelled.

What the hell indeed. She did Not want to go to her mother's house. She did not want to waste any of their precious and limited time together arguing but her pride and anger would not let her back down. "You heard what I said. I don't want to go to the Beacon with you. I'd rather be home with people that at least act like they are happy to see me when I fly back."

"Ashlee I never said that I wasn't happy to see you. You know perfectly well how much I've missed you."

"Yeah I could really tell by the way you bitched at me over my luggage which I don't remember you paying for so why the hell do you care?" Her annoyance and irritation was growing with each passing second and she could see Ava's breathing deepen as she tried to get her own under control. When Ava's cell phone started ringing and Ava immediately silenced it Ashlee's top blew. Ava's displays of maturity only served to fuel the raging fire. "You know what you can just stop the car right now. I can call a cab since it is such a huge bother for you to take time out of your busy day just to pick me and my three bags up." Her rage began to deflate when Ava the seemed to ignore her earlier request and passed the exit for Doris' and Blake's home but when Ava immediately moved to take a quicker off ramp it exploded. "You don't have to wait until I'm out before you take your call. You can spend your time with them since you clearly don't want to be with me."

They spent the next ten minutes in silence and when Ava pulled into the driveway Ashlee was silently wondering how she let what should have been a happy reunion spiral into a huge mess. Ava waited for a couple of seconds before getting out of the car and unloading the cargo. It took them both to get the suitcases inside and Ava even helped her take it up the stairs to her room before she whispered a soft goodbye as she leaned in and kissed Ashlee's cheek. Ashlee refused to let Ava see her watching the retreating car from the window but once the taillights were no longer visible Ashlee went outside hoping Ava would be waiting just around the corner. When five minutes passed and Ava had not returned Ashlee sat on the porch with her head in her hands crying.

She didn't know how long she sat there but when she heard Clarissa's screech as she ran toward her and looked up and saw that the sun was no longer sitting high on the horizon. Both Doris and Blake looked at her with shock because neither expected to see her today although she just flew in town. "You're home. I can't believe you're home. Momma and Doris said that I wouldn't see you until the weekend. I can't believe you are home." Clarissa gushed as she hugged her tight. Ashlee couldn't believe it either. She should be with Ava enjoying their time together but she was too busy being an ass.

"I am and I missed you so much" Ashlee said with a forced laugh as she attempted to wipe away her tears.

"Hey sweetie we weren't expecting you home so soon or we wouldn't have gone to Towers for dinner." Doris said as she helped her inside.

"We can finally watch Kung Fu Panda 2" Clarissa said with a smile as she ran upstairs to look for the DVD.

"Hey Clarissa why don't you let Ash rest some she's probably tired from the long flight." Blake said with a smile but Ashlee could tell that her efforts to hide her pain were not fooling everyone.

"No I want to see it. Clarissa and I promised to watch it together and I don't want to keep her waiting." Besides it wouldn't make her feel any better to be upstairs alone thinking or downstairs trying to talk with her family while putting up a happy façade. Nothing was going to make this okay except talking with Ava so she might as well spend time with her little sister.

"Is that you Ashlee?" Blake asked as she walked into the kitchen just after midnight.

She was heating up some leftover pasta after a fitful night of not sleeping. Ava hadn't called and Ashlee was too embarrassed to even know what to say. How could she make this right when she didn't even know what made her so upset? "I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up. I guess the time change is keeping me up."

At that Blake gave her a measured look and poured them both a glass of apple juice. "Ava practically begged your mom to let her pick you up from the airport."

"Yeah it was good to see her." Ashlee croaked over her drying throat.

"She really missed you. The past few days she was practically vibrating from the excitement of seeing you."

"Yeah"

"What's wrong Ash? You don't have to tell me but I'm here if you need someone to confide in."

"I messed everything up." Ashlee surmised after she explained the events of the day.

"Have you tried to talk to her?"

"It wouldn't matter because she wouldn't want to talk to me. She probably hates me"

"No she doesn't. If you could see how much the both of you love each other you would know that she could never hate you. Ashlee, don't let fear cost you this relationship."

When she finally reached Ava's suite at the Beacon Ashlee still didn't have any idea of what to say but she refused to give up Ava. After her knocks went unanswered Ashlee stood outside the door fingering her key card. Should she just barge in after her behavior earlier? What if she was too late and Ava had given up on their relationship? Just the thought that her immaturity could have cost her everything Ashlee pushed open the door just as it was being pulled. "Hey. I'm sorry to wake you like this."

"I thought you were the front desk needing help." Ava said blearily blinking her eyes to the light in the hallway. They stood at the door for a couple of seconds before Ava widened the door and asked if Ashlee wanted anything to drink. As she looked down to close her rob Ashlee pulled Ava in her arms and held her close. "Ash?"

"I'm sorry I yelled and picked a fight with you. I miss you so much I just couldn't handle the thought of going back alone."

"But what about your classes?"

"I don't care. I don't care about my credits or my GPA. The only thing I care about is being with you."

"How do you think your mom is going to feel if you don't get credit for an entire semester that she paid for. I'm not going anywhere. It is only for another two months. We can do that."

"But Ava" Ashlee whispered again but this time with tears.

"I want you more than anything but if you leave school before the end of the term there is no way that you will be able to get into Northwestern. Please just think about this."

"I love you so much"

"I love you too Ash." Ava said as she pulled the younger woman to the bed.


	4. Chapter 4

(Becoming a family)

_During the twenty minute drive to the hotel Clarissa had voiced her approval of the new joining and happily declared that Ashlee had become the big sister she'd always wanted. Ashlee tried her best to keep the overwhelming sense of doom from showing on her face as the girl listed all the new activities that Ashlee and she could share and when Ava turned backwards to snarkaly congratulate her and Clarissa on the many hours to look forward to together Ashlee intoned that it would only be right for Ava and Emma to tag along._

"Okay what's next the wipeout or the whizzer?" Ava asked the girls as they walked through Six Flags. Emma and Clarissa were spending their first week alone with the couple since Ashlee transferred to Northwestern and Ava began managing the Beacon's new Chicago hotel. The nine and ten year olds were still riding high from their first flight without an adult and Ava was just as excited to show the big city. Ashlee didn't think that anyone got any sleep last night. The girls bounced around in their beds planning out the next four days and Ava made phone calls finalizing reservations. When eleven o'clock came and her girlfriend was still playing on her android Ashlee punted her to the girl's side of the suite.

Taking a look at the brochure Ashlee reminded "Ava they aren't tall enough for the wipeout and it is rated as maximum."

"The whizzer it is." With that the three went running leaving Ashlee to bring along their snacks and book bags. She had known that the week would be a success but Ava had worried that Emma and Clarissa would be disappointed. Like that could ever happen. Emma practically worshiped Ava and whenever they went to Springfield the girl tried her best to monopolize her sister's time. Clarissa was the same but Ava was the one who always complained on the way back of needing a vacation to recover from the weekend. Ashlee and Clarissa went to museums, plays, and other cultural events but Emma loved to drag her sister to amusement parks, athletics fields, and monster truck rallies. All the places Olivia and Natalia were unlikely to go without extensive whining.

The last thing Ashlee expected after the shock of falling in love with Ava was gaining three little sisters. She'd wanted one her entire life but had never felt comfortable confiding the need to her mother. Even as a child Ashlee knew that her mother would take it as a slight. Maybe it was. She'd never been lonelier than when she waited at sitters for her mother to return from school or work. Now she understood all the sacrifices that her mother made to improve their lives but at the time all Ashlee wanted was Doris' time. That it had taken twenty two years and a marriage for this to happen could have made her bitter but Ashlee was only glad that eventually her mother had gotten the message.

"Come on slowpoke. The line is moving." Ashlee heard over a background of yelling and screaming.

"Oh no I'll wait right here thank you very much."

"But Ash it's not even that fast." Clarissa promised with a large smile.

"That's okay I'll stand here and take your pictures."

"But Ashhhhh."

"Avaaaa" Ashlee said before narrowing her eyes towards Ava's new Cub's cap. "Are you going to wear that hat or leave it with me?"

"I'm not a child Ashlee I'm perfectly capable of keeping track of my possessions." Just as expected the hat was flying off by the second loop around but it didn't look like Ava was much concerned with the thirty dollar loss. It looked like she was trying her best to wrap not only her arms but also her legs around the safety bars. When the ride was finally over Clarissa and Emma bounded over filled with adrenalin while Ava looked decidedly less enthused, and green. "I lost my hat." She whispered in Ashlee's ear as she leaned into her opened arms. "I don't think that's all you're about to lose sweetie" and if called by suggestion Ava rush towards the grass to heave.

"Wow I didn't even see her eating anything blue."

(5 years later)

"So what do you guys want to do now? We could go to the rides or we could go get something to eat?"

"Let me think? Do I want to waste my time standing in the geriatric/midget lines or wait for twenty minutes while everyone decides where to sit and eat."

"I didn't say that you had to ride with me smartass I was just asked…"

"You know what Em why don't you and Rissa meet us by the first aid station in four hours." Ashlee said separating her sister-in-law from her wife.

"Well that was a big surprise. I go out of my way to make sure everything is perfect and all she's done for the past week is bitch and"

"I wanna go on the rides." Francesca said tugging on Ava's hand when she finally looked up from her dripping cone. She'd learned to ignore the loud and rough tones that permeated the conversation since their arrival at O'Hare.

"Which one do you want to go on first?" Ashlee asked.

"I get to pick?" Francesca gasped in wonder not at all used to this power.

"You sure do just as long as you're tall enough we can get on anything you want." Ava laughed as she bit a piece of rocky road. Ava was teasing Fancy as they played Ispy to distract her from the long line but Ashlee could tell that her wife was upset about the earlier encounter. Although they both loudly and frequently complained about being summoned home every month both loved the time they spent with their families. Both were raised as only children by single mothers so the novelty of having brothers and sisters had yet to wear off. Ashlee knew that being at being at odds with her sister was killing Ava especially when she used to be admired like a superstar.

"Hey" Ashlee heard as she felt someone drop beside her on a bench.

"It's not four yet is it?"

"Nope, Clarissa absolutely needed a pretzel from that stand and I saw you waiting on Fance and Ava." Ashlee nodded in acknowledgement but said nothing. She was trying her best to stay neutral for the benefit of the trip and out of respect for the sisters' relationship but Ashlee wouldn't stand much more disrespect towards her wife. Clarissa had shared that it was Emma's forced absence from her beloved basketball team that was driving the biting and hurtful comments but that would only so go far. Of course she felt sympathy when a simple layup resulted in a hyperextended knee but taking it out on loved ones wasn't the answer. "Looks like they're having fun."

"They are."

"Listen I'm sorry that I've" Emma started before stopping and shaking her head in silence.

"Are you because you really hurt your sister today?" Ashlee asked finally turning towards the teen.

"Fancy can't ride the ones that I like and the ones that she can are boring. It was just that simple. I don't know why everyone is making a big deal of it."

"I don't know maybe because every day this week it's been something that everyone else is making a big deal about. Ava went through a lot of trouble to bring you girls here and you might want to remember that it's not just your vacation. We could have used the time to spend with our friends before we move away. Francesca and Clarissa don't need to hear you being sarcastic and mean all the time." She wanted to say more but really didn't want to make things worse. They didn't need anymore of the famous Spencer temper. "Listen I'm sorry you aren't having a good time but we thought that everyone could find something they liked here." Ashlee stood up and waved when she finally saw Ava and Francesca finally boarding the ride. "We're going to be here for another hour and then we're going to eat dinner. We'll be back at the hotel soon then you and Clarissa can spend a few hours in Chicago alone before we all fly back home." It wasn't exactly a bribe but Ashlee knew that Emma had been bugging her sister about having some freedom since they left Springfield. If she could let up the attitude for the next few hours Ashlee would appreciate it.

"I thought we were going to the show."

"And listen to you complain for the next two days? I don't think so. Francesca's been looking forward to this since we told her about the trip and I'd like her to enjoy herself." Ashlee responded before walking away to take more pictures. When Ashlee returned she wasn't surprised to see Emma gone so when a hand tugged at her pocket she turned around with fists up expecting to confront a pick pocket. "What the hell" she said before looking into Clarissa's and Emma's shocked faces.

"I was just putting my card in your pocket I didn't want to lose it." Clarissa said holding up two hands. "Now I'm going to go potty."

"Clarissa wants to see the show"

"Emma"

"No, I mean I want to see the show too." After taking a few deep breaths the taller teen turned towards Ashlee again. "I know I've been a bitch this week and I'm sorry. I guess I'm just. I don't know."

"I understand. You worked hard to prepare for the season only to get hurt in the first game but you can't take your frustration out on everyone."

At that Ashlee heard the girl laugh for the first time in months. "I miss the team but that's not why I was so pissy." At Ashlee's softening gaze Emma nodded her head a few times then looked down. "I guess I got used to you all being here and now you're leaving. You're going all the way to New York. I can't just come up and spend the weekend anytime that I need some space from home. You're going to be busy with the babies and your new job and Ava's going to be working on opening the Beacon."

Taking the younger girl in her arms Ashlee whispered "Em your sister and I will always have time for you. You're right we're going to be busy but your parents and my parents are not going to let us keep their grands away for too long." Kissing Emma's head Ashlee continued "Baby if you ever need us we will be there. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Is sensitive time over cause I'm thinking another go on the whizzer is in order." Clarissa laughed as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and sister.

"I wanna ride Rissa. I wanna ride. I wanna ride Emma. Can I go please?"

"Last one there has to rides home on the hump."


	5. Chapter 5

(Green eyed monster)

_"She's fine Ashlee they kicked us out of the room to check on the bandages and give her a bath. You can take your time."_

_"I don't want anyone giving her a bath" Ashlee fumed color again coming to her face but this time primarily the tops of her ears._

_"Oh God. Her ears got that way the time she socked Mary Beam for stealing her boyfriend in kindergarten" Doris said as she got closer causing the other three women to promptly burst out laughing._

It was Saturday afternoon and the first time this week that Ashlee got to spend any time with her girlfriend. As usual it was a busy week with classes, papers, on Ashlee's part and staff meetings and safety inspections on Ava's but this was almost unbearable. Every time that she'd thought to call or drive over another friend stopped by or another book was added to her growing research list. She could not wait until next fall when they moved in together. Ava had insisted that Ashlee have the experience of exploring Northwestern as unencumbered as possible. Although Ashlee had lodged several loud and boisterous complaints she secretly agreed. Not that she didn't want to live with Ava but the idea of inviting new friends to pizza and beer at Ava's rooftop penthouse suite at the Beacon was daunting. So today when Ava asked to meet her their favorite coffee shop Ashlee jumped at the chance. Just when she thought her smile could not get any bigger Ashlee saw something that made it slide right off.

It wasn't that Ava was sitting in a corner both laughing with one of the baristas that upset her. It wasn't even the sight of Ava leaning into the man and sharing what looked like an intimate moment that had her on edge. She'd known Ava for some years before they became a couple but more importantly she knew her girlfriend's mother. They were born flirts. It was as much a part of her DNA as the high cheek bones. What was pissing her off was the man that was on the receiving end of the radiant smile. He was well over 6 feet tall, fit, and ruggedly handsome and from all their previous interactions a great guy. His suggestions were always excellent and his manners were conciliatory and friendly but fact that he always seemed to spend five minutes fawning over her girl while politely ignoring her was increasingly grating. They were in the middle of an old conversation when Ashlee sat down across from Ava. The fact that neither acknowledged her past a slight nod did nothing to improve her mood.

"Umm maybe someday I'll give the fermented tea a try but right now I'll take a mint chocolate chip espresso." Ava said scrunching her face and looked towards Ashlee.

"You'll never know unless you try and haven't you liked everything else that I suggested."

"Yeah but you never wanted me to pay 7 bucks for moldy tea before."

"Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I guess I should take advantage of my free healthcare."

"Now that you mention it I was looking for someone to go bungee jumping with." That was it. Not only was this overpaid waitress leaning into her girl and completely ignoring her but now he was asking Ava out right in front of her. Had he not noticed that they always came in together, always sat next to each other, and even held each other's hands? Was he a dumbass or was he just stupid?

Taking a deep breath Ashlee took one of Ava's hands and put on her fakest smiles as she commented "You know what as much as I would love to sit here and listen to you hitting on my girlfriend and you plan out your birthday adventures but I think that the people waiting on their orders would be a little upset. While you're back there could I get a large caramel macchiato?" Neither Ava nor the man knew exactly what to say and blinked at her with wide glassy eyes. When he finally stumbled away she yelled back "Oh and my Girlfriend and I will be taking those to go. We have a long day ahead of us and I don't want my baby to run out of energy anytime soon." For a split second she could see the man's fury plainly on his face before he schooled his expression and turned towards the machines and her normally unflappable girlfriend gasped and looked as if she wanted to sink into the floor. To drive the point home Ashlee made sure that they were kissing deeply as when he attempted to hand the beverages over. It was unfortunate that Ava was miffed but maybe next time he would think about who he hit on.

"Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on with you?" Ava asked as they sat waiting for the light to change. The way that Ava drug her out of the shop and pealed out of the parking lot you would have thought that she'd demanded to confront the man outside. She'd simply encouraged him to redirect his interest elsewhere far away from Ava.

"I think he used skim milk. Why the hell would I want to pay for a watery coffee?" Ashlee offered hoping that her evasion would work but she doubted as she watched Ava narrow her eyes. "What?" Maybe playing dumb would work better?

"Don't what me. What the heck was that? Peeing on me would have worked just as well and been more direct."

"I didn't think you were into that sort of thing but if we put on plastic sheets or were in the shower then…"

"Don't play cute with me Wolf I want to know what's gotten into my normally meek and mild girlfriend." Ava laughed.

"Was I supposed to just sit there and listen to him hitting on you? If anyone should be pissed it should be me." The more that she thought about it the more upset she became. Ashlee had thought of nothing but her girlfriend since they last saw each other 6 days ago and would have given a stranger's come on the same consideration that she gave an email that claimed she'd won a million dollars. Was this how Ava acted when she wasn't around? Turning around to face her girlfriend Ashlee tried her best to calm her raging temper "I simply made him aware that you were unavailable since you weren't willing to." They'd been going to the shop together for several months and he still persisted with his delusions.

"He already knows about us. He was just being nice."

"He was being more than nice." Ashlee vented. "He was hitting on you and you were encouraging it" Ashlee said as if speaking to a small child.

"You know that I love you and I don't want or think of anyone else. I was being nice and approachable. Aren't you always accusing me of being rude to cashiers and waitresses so now that I do what you ask you act as if we were exchanging phone numbers."

"Sweetheart if I found you exchanging numbers I wouldn't have wasted time asking him outside before I punched him in the face."

Rolling her eyes Ava commented dryly "It's so wonderful how higher education has improved your baser instincts."

"Not when it comes to you love." Ashlee promised without remorse. "What's your excuse?"

"He's my manager's son Ashlee I can't just ignore him." Ava said with her own exasperation. "You can make snide comments but I'm the one that has to see him almost every day when he picks up his mother."

Ava's weak excuses were getting to her but even she was shocked at what came out of her mouth next. "Being a bitch never bothered you before." Ava's face blanched and Ashlee could see the hurt in her lover's eyes before a mask of disinterest fell down. "I'm sorry." Ashlee whispered wondering how she could be so stupid.

"No it's fine. I need to find something to wear to your homecoming game." Ava had officially ended the conversation and although she'd hurt the older woman Ashlee knew that Ava would never bring it up again. The silence became less tense as they walked around the mall and by the time they made it to the food court they were again holding hands and laughing. "So do I look like a respectable wildcat?" Ava asked as she held up a hockey jersey and baseball cap.

"I love you."

"I know. You're lucky because if my mother ever sees me with a big blue cat on my chest she might rethink our partnership."

"I cannot stand the thought of anyone near you except me. I'm sorry that I was a jerk." Ashlee whispered with her head held down. "It's just that I love you so much that I get a smidge insecure when I see someone so good lucking hitting on you. But I do trust you and I know that you would never throw everything we have away."

"I'm not interested in him or anyone else. I love you." Ava promised. "Anyway he's so gay that it wouldn't matter if I was."

"What?"

"He's more flammy than a piece of charcoal. That's why we're always laughing when you see us. He was telling me about his latest dating disaster. I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about some guy's great ass to entice me."

Ashlee's head immediately slammed down as her faced became bright red with shame. "Ava! How could you let me make a complete fool out of myself? He must think I'm a complete idiot."

"Probably" Ava laughed.


	6. Chapter 6

(First drag down and bust up fight)

_Early in their relationship Ashlee learned that when Ava said she needed space it was best to give it to her although every fiber in Ashlee's being screamed out to talk that they needed more communication rather than less._

The Whitman board presentation was tomorrow afternoon and Ava needed to make sure that everything was in order. Not only was this going to be her first major deal since the Beacon acquired the Wacker Drive property but more importantly it would be the first time her new employee's would see her in action. Olivia decided to keep most of the seven hundred room hotel's staff and that was beneficial for smooth transfer but it could make for a tense environment. The workers were too professional to be openly hostile but there was no doubt in anyone's mind that they viewed the Beacon as an unjust dictator and Ava the resident overlord. While none of her managers were expecting Ava to fall flat on her face they had vaguely hinted that she might not be up to the task of running a high end hotel in a major metropolitan. The Spencers' might be good enough for Springfield but Chicago was in a completely different league.

Olivia had offered to loan her most trusted manager to whip the staff into Beacon shape but Ava had declined. She needed to prove herself on her own. Her name and relationship to Olivia was enough of a disadvantage. The only way that she was going to gain their respect was to put in the work to make the five story building the best hotel that the Windy City had. "Ms Spencer you have Ms Wolf on line one do you want me to take a message?" the secretary called over the intercom. Damn Ava thought as she looked at the clock hanging above her desk. She had promised to call her girlfriend with an update to their weekend plans. It had been almost two weeks since they'd had any real time together. Yeah they shared a meal twice a week when Ashlee had late classes and when Ava wasn't in meetings but it wasn't quality time. The last thing she wanted to do was tell the younger woman no again. She needed to be with Ashlee as much as Ashlee needed to be with her but right now the Beacon had to come first.

It was the first thing that her mother demanded if Ava took the general manager title. Regardless of her personal ties or obligations the Beacon had to be her main priority for the first few years at least. Olivia loved Ashlee and she loved her daughter more but this was a business deal and if Ava could not live up to her half of the bargain she would be replaced. "No I'll take the call thanks Stacy. Hey baby how are you?" Please be busy, please be busy. Ava chanted to herself hoping to avoid a confrontation.

"I am wonderful especially if get to see you tonight."

"Ash" Ava groaned. They'd discussed this at length yesterday and few days before that. For the next month Ava was in back to back meetings, inspections, and conferences to make all the years of planning and effort worth the huge investment. The Beacon had to succeed not only for her pride but for her family's future. Ashlee had promised she understood this. "I can't. You know I can't. If I could I would."

"Babe I know that you have your meetings but that doesn't have to stop you from having dinner with me."

"I'm going over the proposal with my department managers tonight."

"So I can learn a few things and see you in your powersuit. Sounds like a good time."

"It's going to be all night. I'm barely going to be able to keep myself from falling asleep."

"You know how much I love pulling all-nighters with you." Ashlee whispered in a seductive voice. "I can make it good for you I promise."

"Going all night with you is one of the things I miss most from spending time with you but I have to go over all these contracts and loan options."

"Sweetie I'm just teasing but I'm very serious about having dinner with you." When Ashlee heard the other woman's protests she plowed straight through ignoring the feeble attempts. "I don't care if I'm just sitting there quietly holding your hand as long as I get to see you. Please Ava. I won't get in your way I promise."

"What kind of night will that be for you? Listening to us talk about the fascinating world of compound interest and tax diversification."

"If it means that I get to spend two seconds more with you than I'm game." It was a stupid idea and down inside Ava knew that Olivia would have forbidden it out of hand before Ashlee took a second breath but Ava was missing her girlfriend. What was the worst that could happen Ava said to herself as she sat at the table and watched as Ashlee walked towards the table? As she made the introductions Ava couldn't even ignore the eye rolls and smug smirks from the five employees that were already seated. If she did not absolutely dominate this account all the respect that she'd fought so hard to earn would be gone. But more importantly Olivia would have her ass.

Amazingly the dinner was a success. Ashlee was not only charming but her bubbly personality was literally effervescent. All of the men at that table were smitten and a few of the ladies were open to being Sapphic converts as well. So it was a complete surprise that the usual ready kiss was lacking when Ava opened her penthouse suite. "Thank you. Everyone loved you." Ava gushed as she tried again for the kiss.

"I'm glad someone did."

"What?"

"How could you even tell because your head never left the folder." Ashlee accused as she stood near the closed door.

"I told you that it was a business dinner. What did you expect me to do?"

"I don't know maybe you could have taken a tiny break since everyone else was trying their best to lighten up the conversation."

"I didn't want the conversation light. Olivia is demanding that I land this client and she is expecting me to do it at an advantage. I don't have time to talk about everyone's weekend plans."

"What you mean is that you don't have time for me."

"I can't do this right now." Ava repeated several times to herself before rubbing her face wearily. "I'm tired and I'm going to get ready for bed."

Before Ava could make it to grab her robe Ashlee was pulling her away from the bathroom door. "This is not over. You do not get to just dismiss me."

"I'm not dismissing anything but my mom is expecting a call in an hour and I'd like to relax and collect my thoughts before that."

"I don't remember the last time we spent more than an hour together and the first chance we get you can't even spend five minutes talking to me? I wasn't asking for you to forget about your proposal. I wasn't asking to be your focus but I don't think being ignored for almost two and a half hours was fair either."

"I'm sorry if you felt ignored but I warned you what type of evening it was."

"I didn't feel ignored. I was ignored. You looked at me once when I walked up to the table and not again until you paid for the check."

"You said that you didn't care as long as you got to hold my hand."

"I Didn't Even Get That! You insisted on emphasizing your stupid little points with dramatic flair." Ashlee growled. At that Ava pulled her arm away and moved again to the bathroom but was quickly followed by her lover. "This is not over."

"I'm finished. I don't want to talk about it. I'm going to take my shower, talk to my mother, and then go to sleep. If you want to spend the night then I would love to have you but if not I'll have Michael drive you home." As far as Ava was concerned the topic was closed but for Ashlee nothing could be further from the truth.

"So you just say you're finished and that's supposed to be the end of it?" Ashley asked getting angrier by the second.

"No but when I say that I can't talk about it anymore and need some space then I think you should back off." With her towel in hand Ava turned away to try and close the door. In her head Ashlee could tell that she was backing Ava into a corner but at the moment she could care less. It didn't feel like Ava was tired of arguing it felt as if she was tired of their relationship. She would not let that happen. "This is the last thing I need to stress about right now."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I have a lot invested in this meeting and can't risk anything taking my concentration away from it."

"Is that what I am to you an unnecessary distraction?"

"That's not what I meant at all. You're twisting everything I say so I'm not going to say anything else until we've both had a chance to calm down." This was spiraling into a familiar scene that she never wanted to experience again especially with Ashlee. She'd never had a problem expressing her anger or frustration and generally Ava was confident when she did let those emotions loose. Hell having Olivia Spencer as a mother made her genetically engineered for rage but the constant energy required for seething and railing at every slight was tiring. It wasn't who she wanted to be for Ashlee or for herself. With more patience than she gave herself credit for Ava took a deep breath and looked Ashlee in the eye before begging "We can talk about it another time but right now I really need to relax."

"No. How do you expect to fix a problem if all you want to do is avoid it?" Ashlee reasoned before slamming the bathroom door behind her as she followed Ava. "If something is wrong then we have to talk about it. This relationship needs open communication not you going…"

"Don't talk down to me. Don't patronize me. I don't need you to tell me what a relationship needs. I told you that I didn't want to talk about it now. I don't need you using that to make assumptions on my feelings about our relationship." Ava said feeling her control slipping.

"If you want this to work then you have to…"

"What do what you say, when you say it, and how you say it regardless of what I need?" Ava asked as she realized that her quiet evening was not going to happen. She tossed the towel towards the sink and walked back into her bedroom. "I asked for a little space and some time but you don't care about that do you? You don't care about what I want at all."

"Ava" Ashlee said softly as her face began to soften.

"It's always what you want and what you need but what about me? What about what I need."

"That's not true I do care about what you need." Moving further into Ava's personal space Ashlee promised "I would do anything for you. You have to know that. I love you and I would do anything to make you happy." As she reached to hold Ava's hand before Ava batted it away.

"You'll do anything except what I asked for. You know I'm not used to talking and reasoning out my feelings but I do it for you. The one time I ask you to do something for me it's too hard."

"I know you do and I appreciate that but"

"I needed space to concentrate on my project and to figure out how to balance your needs with the Beacon's but it doesn't matter because it's not how you wanted the conversation to go. This isn't just your relationship Ashlee its mine as well. You don't get to make all the damn rules. You don't get to use my love for you against me." Ava said shaking her head. "You can stay here if you like but I'm leaving."

"No you're not." Ashlee said with eyes wide from shock Ashlee as she attempted to grab Ava's jacket. She refused to accept defeat and continued to follow Ava as she stood by the elevator. "You're not leaving to go God knows where in the middle of the night. No."

"I'm going to my office but if you keep pushing me I'll go even further than that. Don't call, don't text, and don't you dare come down there unless you don't want to see me before the end of the month." Ava promised as the elevator doors slid closed. She used the nervous energy from her fight to pore over her powerpoint slides and in the morning Ashlee Wolf was the furthest thing from her mind. It was only as Ava stood outside her suite door hours later that weight of losing the best relationship she'd ever had fell on her. "Ash?"

"I'm sorry"

Of all the things that Ava thought Ashlee might say this was nowhere near the list. Ava had expected to be the one saying sorry. Ava had expected not to have a girlfriend or even a date for the next couple of months. So the sight of Ashlee sitting on her bed with her eyes red from crying and her face wet from tears broke her heart more than she'd even thought possible. "Ash" Ava repeated as she stroked the younger woman's face. "Have you been here since last night?"

"I know how hard it's been for you to open up to me and let me behind your walls. I don't want this to be my relationship. I don't want you to feel like you always have to give in to me and my demands." Ashlee mumbled into Ava's chest as she cried. "I don't want you to resent me Ava." Ashlee gasped looking into Ava's eyes. "I was so scared that I'd pushed you away."

"You will never push me away Ash but sometimes when I get too overwhelmed I need to just get away." Ava warned and immediately felt the tension in Ashlee's body. "I need to figure things out on my own and at my own time."


	7. Chapter 7

(To Infinity and beyond)

_But Ashlee was not everyone else and Ava was not a momentary pleasure. For Ashlee Ava was a lifetime pursuit so if Ashlee had to reassure Ava she would spend a millennium doing so._

The thick drapes were keeping most of the light out but Ashlee could still see scattered rays peeking through. She didn't need a clock to tell her that it was a little past 730 in the morning. She was a true morning person and never needed a few minutes to gather herself upon waking unless she'd been drinking the night before. Ava on the other hand had to be primed and cajoled into consciousness especially on the weekends. Last week had been extremely busy as had all their weekends since leaving California three years ago. None of her friends could believe that their relationship could last the constant pressures for so long but they didn't know how determined both Ava and Ashlee could be. Although they lived together they rarely saw each other outside occasional meetings in the bedroom. Ava was still working hard to make the Chicago branch of the Beacon a success and that pursuit kept her at airports and meeting Monday through Friday. Ashlee was still an undergraduate at Northwestern working on a double major in English and Education. Neither gave less than one hundred percent to their efforts. Yet somehow their relationship did not suffer. As far as Ashlee was concerned it had never been stronger.

Usually she spent the hours before Ava woke working on endless papers and projects but today Ashlee just lay in bed watching the love of her life sleeping. Ava was curled up on her side of the bed facing away from Ashlee with the covers around her waist and the top half of her pajamas off. Ashlee used to joke that Ava was taking the 'male' role a bit far but honestly she enjoyed the feel of Ava's bare skin against her. It started years ago when Ashlee woke up sick from the flu and Ava took her top off to make her more comfortable. It used to be a point of contention between them that Ava insisted on dressing after they made love but now Ashlee loved the subtle tease of Ava's half covered body. She could watch Ava's breast rise and fall with each intake of breath and nipples becoming more turgid in the cooled air of the hotel for hours. She would rather feel those dusky projections tighten as her tongue pulled slightly on them but Ava did not like to be woken by anything, not even sex. After a day or two of a grouchy and irritated girlfriend Ashlee slowly contented herself that morning romps could only be safely initiated by the older woman. So watching was the best she'd get.

"I can feel you staring at me." Ava said with a gravelly voice without turning around.

Surprised Ashlee raised her head and responded with "I always look at you" and cocked her head to the side and waited. Sometimes Ava made random comments as she moved between sleep and consciousness but it did not mean that she was ready to give up her slumber. When Ava fell mute again for several moments Ashlee lay back on her pillow to watch. Just before she forced herself out of bed Ava did a few stretches that many would have paid lots very good money to watch. Ashlee was of the opinion that Ava's body was a work of art and had seen many men stumble over themselves to get near it. Her skin was flawless and her abs were slightly chiseled but it was the breasts that kept Ashlee enthralled. Ava was convinced that Ashlee only doted on them to improve her body image after she made a passing comment about breast enhancements. Ashlee flatly and loudly vetoed the surgery and became more appreciative but the truth was she'd always found Ava's breast enticing but didn't want to seem over eager. Now she was simply gave in to her baser needs.

"What are we going to do today?" Ava said with a groan.

It would not do to pile on too much in Ava's first moments or the woman would burrow even deeper into the covers. "Not too much. Maybe walk around the park after breakfast and do some shopping." Always throw in some incentives. Ava only response was another sigh followed by a yawn. "I had a weird dream."

"Did a pink Easter bunny attack you again?" Ava asked with a soft chuckle.

"That's not funny. It was scary." Ashlee said shuttering still from the memory. "No I dreamed about our wedding."

Ava sounded a bit more intrigued as she asked "Why was that weird?"

"It wasn't weird in a bad way it was weird because it was so vivid. It felt as if it were actually happening." Ava finally turned around and pulled the covers over her to silently listen. "I was walking towards you in a long white dress and we were in this huge church. All of our friends and family were there but all I could concentrate on was getting closer to you."

"How do you feel about that? Getting married to me." Ava asked after a few beats.

"I can't wait. I always knew it would happen since the day Jake interrupted us at your apartment but that isn't what was so great. It was you." Ashlee announced and decided that it was safe to pull Ava closer. "You were standing there in a black tuxedo."

At that Ava's eyes stretched wide before she shook her head softly laughing. "I was wearing a tux?" She wasn't adverse to wearing pants but for all her joking had never seen herself as the male in the relationship.

"You weren't only wearing a tux you were wearing tails and a top hat."

"In the church?"

"It was a dream." Ashlee defended as she slapped Ava's arm. "I've decided that regardless of what we do for our wedding…"

"That I'm wearing a tux." Ava finished with a grin. "With tails and top hat." And watched Ashlee nod her head with glee. "Okay glad that's cleared up. It's one less thing for me to worry about when the time comes."

"Do you mind if we get married in a church?"

"No I don't care where it happens. I've had the huge affair when I married Bill so whatever you want is alright with me. I just want you to be happy."

"Springfield?" Ashlee asked.

"Of course our infernally interfering mother's would have a fit if their meddling was delayed by a two hour drive."

"I only want our close friends and family at the wedding but I don't care if we have a huge bash for the reception."

"That's good because I'm sure my mom will be tempted to use it to promote the Beacon. She won't mean to but it will be her daughter's wedding. A daughter who just happens to be her business partner and successor."

"And mine for her political career." Ashlee said with a frown before she purposefully dispelled the negative emotions. "What about the honeymoon?"

Ava offered "Hawaii"

"Can we be a little less clichéd? Everyone goes there."

"That's because it's flipping paradise." Seeing that her argument was not going to win Ava tried again. "What about Paris?"

"See above argument. Anyway the two times I've been to Paris they were striking. I don't want to worry about riots. I want to go somewhere romantic, interesting, and filled with history. What about Greece?"

"Striking as we speak. What about Russia?"

"You want to go to Russia for our honeymoon?" Ashlee asked in disbelief. "I would like to have some heat and sun even if it isn't Hawaii."

"It's different and it has history and is filled with intrigue. Fine Ireland then. I loved it there. The people are so friendly and once you see all the green hills and valleys you will fall in love with it. You can see where all those famous authors come from."

"I would love to see that but for our honeymoon I want to go somewhere completely new to both of us."

"Australia."

"New Zealand?" and at Ava's enthusiastic nod responded with "perfect. Now how many kids do you want?"

"Ten" Ava laughed at Ashlee's expression. "Just joking two. One from me and one from you. And none of that transferring eggs. Pregnancy is stressful enough without adding that complication."

"No dogs." Ashlee warned.

"Of course not. I don't even want a house. I'd be happy to live at the Beacon forever. We have everything we could ever want here and if the kids need a yard to play in they can go to the farm or your parents' house."

"Agreed. Who needs the worry of roofs and lawns?"

"Glad we have that all cleared up." Ava said as she leaned over attempting to kiss Ashlee but was rebuffed.

"Not quite. What about last names?"

With a slight shrug Ava easily dismissed the worry "That's easy you'll take mine."

"Excuse me?" Ashlee said pulling even further back.

"Whoever asks is the one that gets their name used."

"And you think you'll be the one asking?"

"I am the one standing in the tux." Ava reasoned.

"Compromise, Wolf-Peralta."

"Fine." Rolling her eyes Ava said "But I think Peralta is a fine name and you'd be lucky to have it. And why is your name first?"

"Just an example. Whoever asks first has their name first. Agreed?" At that Ava just narrowed her eyes and flopped over onto her back. That had been entirely too much work even before she was properly awake. She might need another nap to recover. "Oh no you don't. You woke up fair and square so turn on your lamp."

"But I'm still sleepy." Ava tried with a soft whine. Seeing that it was not swaying Ashlee in the least she huffed with indignation and leaned over to turn on the accursed light. "Now the light is on are you happy now?"

"I will be as soon as you look at it."

"I did look at it. I turned it on didn't I." Ava reasoned and then moved closer to smell Ashlee's person. "Did one of your friends give you another brownie? Some people can use marijuana but not you. I thought we agreed on that?"

"Look at the lamp."

"What? Fine. I'll look at the freaking light. What am I supposed to be looking at? I'm looking at the light like you insisted and I don't see jack except…"and then she fell silent for several seconds before turning towards Ashlee with amazement. "Ash what's that on the table?"

"I don't know what is it?" Ashlee asked softly.

"Ashlee?" Ava said again as she picked up the tiny velvet box and carefully opened it before turning towards her girlfriend once again.

"I love you Ava and I want everything that we talked about. I want the wedding, the honeymoon, the kids, and our parents meddling. I want that with you for the rest of my life." Ava's hand was shaking so badly that the box spilled out of her hands but the ring stayed nestled inside the cushioned box. Picking up the ring Ashlee took Ava's hand into her own and asked again more formally. "Ava Peralta will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes. Yes. Oh my God yes." Ava cried out and attacked Ashlee with kisses as soon as the ring was safely on her finger. Some hours later both lay wrapped around each other naked Ava tried to carefully ask the question that had been bothering her since opening to box. "I love this ring." She started "but how did you afford it?" In just the few years she'd been involved with the socialites of Springfield Ava could spot a genuine diamond from a simulated one. The solitaire held on a platinum band was no more than a karat but it was a lot more than the college student could afford. That was the primary reason that Ava assumed she'd be the one popping the question.

"Three years of tutoring, saving, and summer jobs."

"Ash"

"Spoil sport. Blake and my mom gave me a loan but I don't want to talk about it" turning over and taking Ava's chin in her hand Ashlee made a lasting impression with her closing statement. "and I do not want you paying it off. I proposed to you and I will pay for your engagement ring." Knowing that she was not going to win this discussion Ava just smiled and thought their future together.


	8. Chapter 8

(And baby makes 3, 4, and 5)

_"Him"_

_"What?"_

_"Why not Rafe? He's great looking good hair nice teeth good genes. I want Rafe"_

It was three weeks before Ashlee's graduation and they were laying in bed after wonderful meal at Les Nomades trying to decide how to celebrate the fete but there were some time formidable constraints to consider. Less than a month after earning her bachelor's degree Ashlee was enrolling in to the master's program. Ava would have preferred that her wife take a longer break but come up against loud and frequent protests. The only person that might be more upset by the news was Doris. She'd just gotten used to the idea of not sending her money to the Ivy League when the acceptance letter was forwarded. Ava was trying her best to suggest an appropriate gift but each was shot down. Ashlee s didn't want to rush through a trip to London and sapphire earrings were too expensive. "So what am I allowed to buy?"

"I don't want you to buy anything but I do want you to get me something." Ashlee said cryptically eyeing Ava closely.

"You know I can't cook or sew right?"

"A half raw and half burnt chicken alfredo taught me that." Ashlee said rolling onto Ava's side before she asked quietly. "Do you love me Ava?"

"You know I do." Ava vowed.

"Do you trust me?" Once she witnessed Ava's instantaneous nod Ashlee asked another important question. "Do you trust me enough to say agree with whatever I'm asking?"

"Do you want a threesome?"

"What? Of course I don't want a threesome!" Ashlee yelled as she pushed Ava flat on the bed. Straddling her wife at the waist and holding Ava's hands above her head Ashlee stressed each word. "No one will ever touch you again except me. Do you understand? Ever."

"Ash I was just joking."

"Well I wasn't" Ashlee warned with her blue eyes flashing. "Stop stalling do you trust me?"

"Yes, now what the hell do you want?"

"Agree first."

"Ash"

"Agree."

Rolling her eyes Ava screeched "Fine yes. Yes. No matter what yes" thinking that she'd never live this down if Olivia heard this. I've spent the past five years building a reputation as a class A badass and Ashlee Wolf had strong armed her in less than an hour and Ava couldn't even blame the defeat on alcohol. "Just tell me how much I have to borrow from my mother."

"I just want us." Ashlee said with a tenderness and vulnerability that scared the other woman. It reminded Ava of the time that neither of them could believe that love had finally found them. She was back again in her San Francisco apartment waiting for Ashlee to call and promise that time and distance would never change her mind.

Stroking Ashlee's face Ava promised "You have us. You have me forever."

"I want more" and when she saw the hurt flash across her wife's face "I want a baby" Ashlee whispered.

The words 'you have got to be joking' almost slipped out but Ava had never been a stupid woman. She looked at her wife, really looked at her Ava immediately recognized the determination and resolve held there. It wouldn't be easy. Both pair of parentals would no doubt go a bit spastic at the idea of willfully becoming pregnant while in graduate school. But it wasn't their parent's life. The person Ava loved returned her love as deeply and as soulfully as it was given that was a blessing. "You're going to have our baby?" Ava said softly with increasing awe.

"Not me" Ashlee said with a hint of worry. "I would love to carry our child Ava but even I'm not focused enough to complete a masters pregnant. I was kind of hoping you would."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Remember I have one you have one?" and then scattered butterfly kisses all over Ava's brow and nose at the deepening creases. "Baby please don't worry. It won't happen again. I will take care of you and there won't be any of the stress from before." She could feel the panic and adrenaline flooding her system at Ashlee's mere suggestion. They had spoken of them both carrying a child in the hazy glow of satiation but Ava hadn't really considered it. Could she endure feeling another child ripening inside of her for nine months while fearing that it would be taken away. Again. "It won't happen again Ava. I won't let it." Ashlee stroked her lips across Ava's cheeks before finally pleading "Will you at least think about it before you say no?"

Ava nodded her head numbly "Yes"

"Really?" Ashlee laughed and smiled as a few tears fell down her face. "You'll truly consider it?"

"Yes I will"

"Thank you sweetie. That's all I really want. I don't mean to rush you. It's just hard for me to wait for everything that I want with you sometimes." They were sitting at the light on their way to the store two weeks later when Ava reached over from the wheel and took Ashlee's hand and smiled. "Okay I'm in."

"I'm glad that you're going to be mature about it but you were going to faculty mixer regardless. If I have to go to boring dinners with your clients you can at least meet my professors."

"I wasn't talking about that but thanks by the way" Ava said as she stuck out her tongue and continued as her wife complained of being teased while they were trapped in traffic. "No. I mean if you still want your gift then. I'm in." She wanted it too. True to her word Ashlee hadn't said anything more about a pregnancy afterward but Ava had known that she was waiting. They might kid each other but Ashlee would never suggest something they weren't ready for. If Ashlee was ready Ava was more than willing to follow. "I want to carry our baby." They didn't make it to the store that night.

_Knowing that they wanted more children and that Ashlee would have to be the carrier Ava and Ashlee approached the only Spencer male in the family Sam. It had taken two attempts before success and they had a spare specimen should they ever desire another._

Augustino was laying between them trying his best to avoid sleep after a long night of coughing and crying. He was normally such a happy baby that whenever he was the least bit fussy both Ava and Ashlee were just as shocked as they were worried. It was a simple cold the doctor said and he wasn't suffering too badly. They had been packing to see Francesca's first game of the season. Everyone looked forward to their trips back to Springfield but Natalia had insisted that they stay away. Her nieto's health was more important than the opening of the soccer season she kept repeating as they spoke on the phone yesterday. "Natalia we can still come. He's going to be sleeping most of the time anyway." Ashlee tried again to reason with her mother-in-law.

"No, as much as I'm going to miss my mijo I want him to feel better more." As far as the Latina was concerned it was the final say on the matter. All the grandmothers' opinions matter but there was no denying the intense connection that Natalia and Stino shared. Even before Rafe was outed as their donor Natalia had a huge influence on the boy. It was her voice that most soothed the restless child in the womb other than Ashlee. Hers were the first arms he ran towards when they entered the small town.

"And you're sure you want to do this again so soon?" Ava asked again as she rubbed her son's back to ward away his tears.

"Yes" Ashlee said watching the boy and her wife closely. It still amazed her to see the drastic change in Ava's attitude towards their son. At one point Ava had flatly refused to even look at him for fear of losing him as she had lost Max. In her heart Ashlee had known that eventually her wife would win out. Fear and the pain wouldn't hold back their destiny but it had been hard. There were many nights she'd not only fallen asleep with tears but woken with them as well. There wasn't anything that Ashlee loved more than seeing her wife caring for their son. The possibility of seeing Ava taking care of another son or daughter was her heart's dream. "I want don't want him to grow up alone like we did."

"But we could wait another year or two or at least until things slow down. Maybe when you finish school."

"I'm always going to be in school Ava and you're always going to be busy with the hotel. I'm healthy now and I want to have your baby regardless of what else is going on in our lives." With a low trembling voice Ashlee asked "Do you not want another one?"

"Of course I do. I want to be the one taking care of you this time. Lets see what you think of those ice chips you kept stuffing down my throat." Ava laughed as she reached over and grabbed Ashlee's hand. "So we're going to have a baby?"

"We're having a baby"

_Ash is fine and in a few minutes I'll introduce everyone to the new additions but first you come here Cookie Monster I have some folks I want you to meet"_

_"Did she say folks? Did they have more than one kid?"_

"So have you decided if you want to know the sex?" The doctor asked again as Ashlee lay on the table during the ultrasound. Each time he asked either Ava or Ashlee had changed their mind. Both decided earlier that it was all or none proposition. Neither could be trusted to keep a secret like this for long but the love of surprises and mounting anticipation were competing. They loved having a son but were hoping to experience a daughter but some maybe another male in the sea of estrogen would be good for their boy. "So?"

"Ash?"

Taking Ava's hand Ashlee looked to the screen as said "Yes we want to know."

"What do you want mama Ashlee?" The doctor asked as he slid the senor and the gel around her expanding stomach.

"A girl would be good." Ashlee said looking up towards her wife. "Right?"

"I don't care what we have as long as it's healthy and happy but a matching set would be good."

"How about one of each?"

"Uh?" Ava asked confused but Ashlee's eyes went wider than ever thought possible. "One of each?" she asked numbly.

"What do you mean? One of each what?"

"So we're having a girl"

"And another one of the same on the side."

"Twins. Oh my God we're having twins?"

"Nuh uh. What are you talking about."

"Ava we're having twins"

"Who said?"

Laughing the short man said "I said" as he moved to print out the results. "I think you might have gone overboard on the not making Stino an only child but more business for me."

"We're having twins?" Ava asked as her brain finally caught up. "A boy and a girl?"

"They always warned me to stay away from those Spencer girls." Ashlee teased as she kissed her wife.


	9. Chapter 9

(baby blued)

_"She refuses to go to the doctor. She keeps saying that they are going to lock her up and I'll leave and take Augustino from her. I've told her I would never do that. I promised her I would even go with her if it would help but she's scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I thought being here would make things easier but she's getting worse. I don't know what to do"_

She woke up wrapped in cold sweaty sheets and immediately reached out across a cold and empty bed. Ava couldn't leave and Ashlee would do whatever it took to bring her back. Ashlee wouldn't let her carelessly throw away all their hopes and dreams during the middle of the night as Ashlee slept unaware. Her heart raced and bile slowly rose in her throat at the thought of losing not only Ava but also Augustino. Foggy images of Ava packing her clothes even as Ashlee crawled on her hands and knees begging for another chance confused her. Tracking down her family was the only thing on Ashlee's mind but the weight on her chest made each step feel as if she was wading into sinking sand. She was once arrested for attempted murder but not even the prospect of life in prison made Ashlee feel as panicked and as out of control as she did stumbling in the darkened hallway. The frustrations of the last few months flooded her mind.

* * *

><p>The blonde hadn't seen her wife more than a handful of time in the four weeks of Ava's hospitalization. On the drive up Ava had been either been asleep or silent and that was perfectly fine with Ashlee. She'd been so stressed that silence or snores were much preferable to the soft whine of Ava's frequent crying jags. In her head Ashlee prayed that all the pain would just go away. That there was a magic pill or a healing touch that would bring back the vibrant woman she'd fallen in love with and this hollow aching shell would finally be filled but that's not what happened. Ashlee trusted these people with her wife and they'd done nothing but turn Ava against her.<p>

There were meetings and conferences with her doctors and social workers and all sorts of theories were suggested and alternately rejected. Ashlee didn't care if it was genetic or environmental. Ashlee didn't care if it was a slow drag or a sudden crash she just wanted her wife back. But they had taken Ava away and kept her hidden behind a panel of well-meaning phrases and empathetic but ineffectual strangers. They told Ashleee when she could see her wife and they told her how long each meeting would last. At the very least Ashlee expected them to sleep together. She had willingly offered to check herself into a mental institution just for the possibility of sharing Ava's bed. Even after Ava refused to respond, speak, or even touch her Ashlee had at least been able to watch her sleep but even that was taken away. It hurt more than Ashlee could say but being away from their son was destroying her. When Ava's doctors once again sited mounting agitation for Ava's absence from their daily couple's counseling Ashlee packed her bags intent on seeing her son for the weekend.

"Where's Ava? How is she?" Would be the first things on everyone's lips when they saw her but what could Ashlee say? I don't know. The doctors say she's okay but I still haven't seen her. Was it over? Had Ava fallen out of love with her? How could the marriage survive this distance? All these questions swirled around her head as she thought of Stino growing up without her. It had been four weeks and Ava was no closer to being cured.

The thought of sitting through one more couple's counseling alone listening to strangers tell her about her marriage filled Ashlee with impotent rage. How could Ava get better if Ashlee wasn't allowed to help her? Couldn't they see how much they needed each other? Each day without her wife was slowly killing Ashlee and the only remedy was time with her son but the door swung open before Ashlee closed the suitcase. It was a complete shock to see Ava standing in the doorway with undisguised fury in her eyes. "How are you?" she tried before her throat constricted with grief. "You look really good" Ashlee tried again before getting cut off.

"Considering I'm locked up in a loony bin you mean?"

"What?" It was as if she fell down a rabbit hole. "What are you talking about?"

"Did you think I would just let you leave and take my son from me? What were you going to do have my doctor trick me into signing over my rights? Is that really what you think of me?" Ava screamed as she snatched Ashlee's bags from her hand. "If you think I'm going to give my son, my flesh and blood to you you don't know shit about me."

The bags tumbled from Ashlee's hands as she listened to the venom in Ava's voice. "He's Our son. Yours and mine." Ashlee reminded as she kicked the thrown bag away. "He is our son"

"And I am not going to let you take him and poison him against me. I don't care what everyone says you aren't going to use this to keep him from me."

"What the hell are you talking about? Where is all of this coming from?" Most importantly where the hell were the nurses when someone really needed them? For a month it was like Ava was guarded by a Secret Service detail but now not one person was in sight. "Ava please tell me what's going on, please."

"You don't have to stay here and pretend to care about me anymore. I know what you want. I know everything."

Trying her best to control her temper and emotions Ashlee evenly breathed out "I don't know what you think you know but"

"I know that you're trying to steal my son from me but it won't work." Ava vowed poking Ashlee in the chest and slapping away her hands. "Olivia will never allow you and Doris to take Augustino."

"Ava"

"You and your mother can go straight to hell!" Ava screamed as three nurses stumbled into the door.

"Leave." Ashlee said without bothering to further acknowledge their presence.

"Mrs Wolf we"

"It Wolf-Peralta and I said get out while my wife and I are having this conversation" At any time they could face a patient in a violently psychotic rage but seeing the normally meek young lady's steely gaze had them backing out of the doorway as Ashlee proceeded to ignore their unnecessary intrusion. "Whatever you heard is wrong. Completely and totally wrong. I could never hurt you like that."

"So how do you explain this?" Ava asked waving her hand across the room. "You locked me away from my family and now you're leaving me."

"I'm going to see our son but I promise that I am not leaving you." It was the last thing she was sure Ava heard before the nurses rushed towards her with a needle filled with Ativan. She slept the rest of the day and the doctors were sure that Ava wouldn't even remember the exchange. Ashlee never mentioned it and when Ava woke she finally started to come to herself. It was the first time that Ashlee could sense a spark of life in her wife's eyes but the fear lingered in Ashlee's mind during their drive home a month later.

* * *

><p>"Ava…Ava where are you?" Ashlee called out as her voice rose in the still night.<p>

Looking out from the nursery with Stino resting on her shoulder Ava hissed "Hush you're going to wake him. I've almost got him to back to sleep" towards her sleep addled wife.

Ashlee stumbled blearily into the wall trying to rub the sleep from her eyes. "You're here?"

"Did you think Mary Poppins broke into the house to wipe his butt and feed him?" Logically she knew there was no reason to get pissed but averaging only 4-5 hours of interrupted sleep was never the best for her attitude. "And what are you doing up? Don't blame me if you fall asleep in your theory class." The fact that everyone was better at mothering Stino than Ava did nothing to improve her mood but it was her own fault. Every time Ava thought about the months she'd spent ignoring her son as he cried hungry and wet her stomach twisted into burning knots of pain. For three months Ashlee took care of the both of them and Ava couldn't even deal with thirty minutes of awakened sleep. "Go back to bed I have him."

It was another fifteen minutes before Ava could safely put him down but the forty-five minutes of pacing and singing were almost wasted when she yelped as she tripped over Ashlee's foot in the doorway. "Are you trying to kill me? Hoping to double down on that life insurance policy if I break my neck?" Ava asked with a growl before she saw sweat pouring down her wife's face. "Ash what's wrong? Are you sick baby?"

The cool hand wiping her brown should have been reassuring but Ashlee could only think about the nightmare she'd just escaped and begged. "Don't leave me." Not even on the nights when Ava rejected her every show of affection did Ashlee's voice bleed such vulnerability. "Please Ava I'll do anything just don't leave me."

Pushing Ashlee towards their bedroom Ava promised "Baby I'm not leaving you."

"I can't lose you and Stino. If I lost you two I'd…"

It wasn't until she heard that unfinished sentence that Ava understood her wife's fear. It didn't matter that it had come without warning in the middle of a long night, Ashlee needed her and Ava was determined to give back what she'd selfishly taken. "You will never lose me ever." Taking the trembling hand and placing it on her chest "Do you feel that Ashlee? That's my heart beating because of you. I would die without you. I would rather die than be without you." The words were spoken as solemnly as if they were wedding vows and the tone somehow reached Ashlee even through the nightmare's fog.

Falling onto the bed Ashlee reached out with tears filling her eyes "I need you"

"You have me. Always."


	10. Chapter 10

(Catherine Peralta)

_"Yes for many years her mom has been a wealthy woman with vivid green eyes and sun kissed hair but still late at night when she was between sleep and wakefulness it was of warm brown eyes that Ava sought comfort in. She'd learned to cling to Olivia's alto voice in those dark days when death seemed not only preferable but actual salvation after losing Max but in the shadows the soft lilting soprano of Catherine was never far behind. _

Ava had been silent and withdrawn for the past few days and the dark clouds were not getting better as they sat eating breakfast. Ashlee thought it might have something to do with the important safety inspection but Ava had never reacted like this before. At work the staff was surreptitiously complaining about her increasing demands and at home she was avoiding spending any time with Ashlee. A few years ago Ashlee might have obsessed and overreacted that Ava must be having an affair but a few years of marriage had calmed most of her insecurities. There was something wrong and it was up to her to use Ava's unconscious clues to figure out this problem.

* * *

><p>Simply asking would never work because according to Ava she never had any problems. There wasn't anything that Ava couldn't use her quick and biting wit to battle through. On the day they married Ashlee vowed not only to love her wife but also to protect Ava even from herself. Usually after a few moments of reflection and careful questioning Ashlee could get Ava to atleast acknowledge the difficulty but that was only part of the problem. Although her wife had given up most of her self-destructive tendencies there was still an aching core that Ashlee could only briefly glimpse. Ava no longer ran from one meaningless relationship to the next and she no longer sabotaged every avenue towards happiness but the emptiness that precipitated these tendencies was still present.<p>

Ava laughed that she was genetically predisposed to angst but Ashlee thought it was more than that. The anger, humiliation, and shame Ava confronted upon learning her conception was only part of the problem. It was hurt, agony, and loneliness that kept Ava ill at ease and running since the death of her adoptive mother. Catherine Peralta had been Ava's entire world before her abrupt and meaningless death. Ava had just graduated from high school and was looking forward to starting a new chapter in her life when her mother fell dead from a brain aneurism. One day everything was before her and the next Ava was completely and utterly lost. She'd never gotten over that. There wasn't anything she could trust completely because the one thing Ava depended on was snatched from her.

* * *

><p>Looking sharply at her day planner Ashlee realized with a shock that it would be her late mother-in-law's birthday in a week. Ava never mentioned it and rarely spoke about her mother unless she was feeling especially vulnerable but Ashlee could not believe she'd forgotten something so important. Now that she knew what the issue was it didn't solve the problem. If anything the sudden insight made things worse. Ava would not willingly discuss this and would stubbornly refuse to open up to probing. It was a precarious position. Say something and risk Ava shutting down emotionally or pray that eventually Ava's emotions would settle. "I'm still feeling a little tired do you want to take a nap with me?" Instead of answering Ava reached over and took Ashlee's hand and led her into their bedroom. Ashlee watched Ava pull down the covers as she pushed the thick drapes together. Once Ava was relaxing in her arms Ashlee opened what she hoped would be a cathartic discussion. "I wish that I could have known you when you were younger and before you came to the bowels' of hell otherwise known as Springfield."<p>

"I was the same just a bit skinnier and a lot less cynical" Ava said.

Ashlee made a calculated move to gage Ava's willingness to discuss the past. It wasn't often that Ava denied her anything but the past was the one subject that Ava consistantly shied away from. "Oh I think you probably still had a smart mouth. I can't imagine you as a teenager not getting into it with your mother over every little thing." Please Ava trust me Ashlee prayed as she held her wife. She could feel the tension in Ava's body and half expected to be rebuffed but Ava only sat quietly before softly responding.

"My mom had a three strikes rule. I could smart off about two things if I didn't get too disrespectful but on the third she'd point to me and say 'not another word' and I knew better than to try her again."

"Sounded like a very wise woman. There's no use fighting every battle with teenagers."

"She didn't get mad easily but when she did she could have given Olivia a tough fight." It was quiet for several more minutes before Ava commented again. "She had a great laugh and an amazing smile. I don't think I've ever seen another person light up the way she did when she smiled."

Ashlee could feel most of the tension bleeding out of her wife but did not kid herself that would make the conversation easier. If anything Ava might be pissed that she'd let her guard down. Best to continue taking things slowly and listen more than speak. "When's the last time you were in your hometown?"

Ashlee felt Ava's body twitch but that was the only indication that the other woman might be upset. "I never went back after the funeral."

"Don't you miss it?"

"Bingham Farms? No. I mean I sometimes think of the people I went to school with or our old house but after my mom died none of it mattered anymore. I couldn't be there without her."

"What about your aunts and uncles in New Jersey? Don't you ever wonder about them?"

"They never gave a damn about me. After no one came to the funeral I figured out that they didn't care I just couldn't understand why they hated me until I learned I was adopted. I was never family in their eyes so when she died they didn't have to pretend to care at family reunions and vacations."

Turning over Ashlee moved to hold Ava tightly as she confided "Now that we have children I want them to know about her. I want them to know what kind of woman raised their mother."

"I want that too."

That was much easier than expected Ava must have been in a lot of pain if she was giving in so soon. "I want us to go back for her birthday."

"Ashlee there is nothing in that town that's worth going back to."

"Yes there is. Your childhood was there and more importantly your mother's grave is there." Now she could feel Ava not only shrinking but pulling away. "You haven't been back to her grave. She deserves to be honored and you need…"

"I don't need to go to a rundown town to look at an stupid rock to honor my mother."

"No you don't but it would help." Ashlee said as Ava moved out of the bed and walked towards the bathroom. "I can see how much this is hurting you and I want to do whatever I can to make it better."

"Nothing is going to make it better. My mother isn't ever coming back whether I spend ten minutes or ten years in Bingham."

"You're right she's not but it would give our children somewhere to pay their respects and I think it would give you some peace. I can feel the anxiety building in you. You're always itching to be somewhere else but it's never any different regardless of how far you go. You've been running since she died and I think it's time that you stop." Ashlee kept expecting Ava to yell and scream that Ashlee knew nothing about her situation. She kept waiting for the explosion of anger but Ava only watched her with haunted vacant eyes. Taking Ava's head in her hands Ashlee whispered "Baby I know you couldn't go back before because you were all alone but I'm here now. I will never leave you. No matter what happens I will always be your safe place."

"But I don't want to go there Ash. It's such a stupid little marker. How can everything my mother ever was be represented by an index card." Ava cried as tears streamed down her face.

Pulling Ava tightly Ashlee kissed her head and promised "Then we'll get her a proper headstone and maybe engrave her picture on it. We'll celebrate her birthdays and you'll tell stories about her to me and our children." Looking Ava in the eyes she added. "You need this and she deserves it."


	11. Chapter 11

(Sex post-rugrats)

_On the drive towards the farmhouse at a little past eight am Ashlee was feeling more than a little guilty. For the first time in thirteen months she had spent twelve hours alone with her wife not sparing a single thought to her children. Not that she thought of much besides how Ava looked, or how Ava tasted, or how Ava might respond once they got to the hotel room but still. Sure she knew that the kids were safe with their grandparents and more than likely not giving their parents the slightest consideration but she was their mother. Since their birth and until the day she died her primary concern in life was the welfare of Augustino, Jeffrey, and Catherine Spencer Wolf Peralta._

* * *

><p>Sex was something that the couple didn't just do well but they excelled at. Hiding their emotions and masking their pain were some of the other traits they shared yet it in the bedroom they trusted each other to truly let go. Ava had always been comfortable with fulfilling her carnal needs but with Ashlee it finally became more than just physical sensation and tension release. Giving herself and expressing her love were her only goals. Not that the sex wasn't phenomenal. Ashlee was hands down the best lover that had ever fallen into Ava's bed. Whether it was the addition of emotional intimacy or gradual maturity but dear God it was everything and then some.<p>

Ashlee had worried herself sick that her lack of experience would either bore or turn Ava off but noting had been further from the truth. Ava had always denied that she had a type. She'd dated a few millionaire CEOs, a couple of GQ hotties, and some everyday Joes but Ashlee was in a completely different league. It wasn't even because she was a woman. Her romps with Doris had been more than enjoyable but with Ashlee sex became exactly what Cosmo and the movies described. Ashlee had promised to do anything to overcome her natural vanilla tastes but if she was boring Ava didn't think her heart could handle spice. Ashlee gave herself to Ava without shame, agenda, or effort. All Ashlee wanted was her wife's love Ava thought with increasing guilt. It shouldn't be this big of a problem Ava thought to herself. I am not a hormone driven animal she tried again but the pounding between her legs was not subsiding.

It had been more than two months since they made love and Ava was going crazy from withdrawals. Ashlee had already been medically cleared for adult activity a week ago but neither the twins nor Stino had moderated their late night antics. To be fair Cat and Stino preferred to sleep through the night but Spencer's almost hourly demands were pissing off his bunk mates. When they weren't feeding or changing one they were burping or rocking the other. If it was wearing on her nerves Ava could only imagine was Ashlee was going through having two babies drawing from her seemingly nonstop. As much as she missed their interactions and needed a reconnection Ava could never tell her wife. Post-partum depression had Ava so low that Stino was almost five months old before they made love. Most days Ava would have wallowed in her own filth if not for Ashlee's constant love and support so if her wife needed time then Ava would give it without hesitation or question. But that dedication didn't make her desires any weaker. If anything it grew exponentially.

The younger woman had a figure from a past generation with lush sensuous curves that left Ava begging for more. She had always been beautiful and age had only enhanced that beauty. Making love to the statuesque blonde was a hedonistic experience. There was nothing androgynous or angular about her lover. After moving to California for college Ashlee had dropped well over thirty pounds and had managed to keep them off even after giving birth to twins. Ava was very impressed but it was never anything that the brunette considered necessary. She might be deemed a more appropriate weight by fickle public taste but Ashlee was the more athletic and health conscious of the two.

Lying in bed Ava tried to think of anything other than the woman sleeping beside her. Blonde hair spilled over the pillows in a freshly fucked style and the lowered sheet revealed a thin unbuttoned night shirt. Pale breast with strawberry tipped nipples were in plain view ready for frequent late night feedings. Her wife was exhausted and Ava had no right to look at her like a life sized centerfold layout but she was beyond reason. Anyway as long as Ashlee didn't know there wasn't a problem. That's what she thought until she heard Ashlee say "It would be quicker to take a picture."

"I didn't mean to wake you." It was better to pretend it all away rather than pressure Ashlee into something she wasn't ready for. "I can feed them from the bottle next time. You don't have to keep getting up."

"They might as well get it fresh from the source." Ashlee said scrunching her nose and poking out her lips as the sun peeked through their curtains. "Glad that someone's enjoying them" Ava sat silent trying to figure out the statement. Over the past few days Ashlee had made several throw away statements that Ava wasn't sure were directed as barbs toward her or just inconsequential remarks. Before the birth the couple had been remarkably candid about their wants and desires but now Ava was left trying to temper her passions with Ashlee's hormones. "If I ask for us to have another baby in the next five years please remind me of this moment."

"What do you mean by that?"

Ashlee sat up and leaned her head against the headboard. "Well obviously I was high to think getting pregnant in the middle of grad school was a good idea, especially with a one year old."

Fear gripped her heart as Ava asked "Do you regret having them?"

It was only when Ashlee heard Ava's shaky voice that she turned over and eyed her wife carefully while running her hand softly across Ava's face. "Baby I could never regret our children. I just should have picked a more appropriate time."

"I tried to warn you."

"I know." Ashlee growled then stuck her finger into Ava's chest. "If you weren't so hot we wouldn't be in this mess."

Laughing Ava asked "Excuse me?"

"You heard what I said. If I weren't so focused on getting into your pants this never would have happened." At Ava's raised eyebrows she elaborated. "I was so turned on watching you taking care of Stino that I would have agreed to have horns implanted if it would have made you happy. Don't act like you didn't know"

"So I could have had that threesome?" Ava challenged.

"Don't even start." Ashlee warned and rolled her eyes. "Besides you couldn't handle me and another woman. You're barely making due."

"I think I do a bit better than that and I don't recall hearing any complaints."

"That's because I didn't have any" Ashlee conceded "but even you might need a little help working off three months of lust." Ava loved that Ashlee gave as good as she got in their back and forth banter but right now she was feeling more insecure than usual and Ashlee noticed the difference and poked her again asking "What?"

"Are you just saying that or…"

"Saying what?"

Turning away Ava mumbled "Nothing" into the pillows.

"Don't do that. Tell me what's on your mind. Am I just saying what?"

Now she felt like an idiot. This was the reason she didn't like talking about feelings Ava thought glumly. Yet Ashlee wouldn't give up until she spilled. "That you want me" Ava breathed out softly. "You haven't said anything in forever I just wondered. Not that I'm rushing you." It took Ashlee a couple of beats before she understood the question it was so unexpected. No one would ever accuse her wife of being modest or unaware of her sex appeal. So it was jarring that she admitted to having flashes of insecurity. "You don't have to answer that."

Reaching over to pull Ava towards her Ashlee kissed her soundly before speaking. "Of course I want you. Have you looked in a mirror? Even when I'm pissed as hell at you I want you." Seeing disbelief in Ava's eyes Ashlee rolled them over until she was lying on top. "We haven't had sex in three months because when I was pregnant I was so sore and tired that it hurt to breathe."

"I know I wasn't complaining I was just…"

"Hush. Then for six weeks I couldn't." Looking down Ashlee knew she'd have to follow Ava's example of being vulnerable. "Since then you wouldn't believe how unsexy you'd feel with two babies constantly at your tits." Both of Ava's brows shot up again at the unexpected vulgarity. "I do want you. All the time. I just keep falling asleep whenever my head hits the pillow for more than two seconds." Pointing to her opened shirt as example "I was in the middle of buttoning this before you woke me."

"So it's not me?"

"Baby I swear if it were up to me you'd never have on clothes."

"Might be hard to explain to the kids in a few years."

"They'd get over it."


	12. Chapter 12

(Alicia Karan Wolf-Peralta)

_Now hours after the blowout Alicia was wrapped around Ava and when Ava began to softly stroke her hair the girl raised her head and fixed Ava with an intense and troubled gaze. "I know you're upset Li but I swear I'm not trying to hurt you. I love you sweetie and I only want to take care of you honest" The five month old didn't feel the need to respond and immediately went back to sleep._

* * *

><p>Alicia had finally surrendered to sleep with ragged gasping breaths after hours of howling both in anger and frustration. Not even three teething toddlers or daily chin checks on Spence prepared the couple for the sounds that little body was able to make. With every inhalation Ava felt her teeth grit trying to ready for the assault of sound. If the crying had just been loud it might have been tolerable but the pitch rose until Ava feared that not only the glass but also her tympanic membrane would split into tiny shards. The fact that Ashlee had somehow fallen over in exhaustion spoke to the strain the young woman had been under for the past two months. Regardless of the hour or whether or not she was on diaper duty Ashlee did not rest easy until their children were sound asleep. So when Alicia's hitched breathing became more irregular Ava carefully got up rather than wake the blonde.<p>

The girl's mahogany curls were matted with sweat and her face with still red with exertion hours later. Brushing the loose strands aside Ava tried to spot traces of her cousin in the girl's profile. The military and the hospital had shipped all of Justin's and Tomca's personal affects. Her cousin had never been one to collect things and gaining a wife and a child did not seem to alter that habit so there were few photographs. Justin was a stereotypical Italian with a Roman nose, sloping brow, with a bronze sun kissed complexion. Even from the few amateur and out of focus headshots it was clear that Tomca was a beautiful woman with slight feature and pale skin. Alicia had her father's coloring but her nose and cheeks were clearly a Serbian inheritance.

Slightly rocking and swaying worked for a few minutes until Alicia jumped up in Ava's arms determined to continue her battle. The toddler let out a stilted cry and Ava saw Ashlee shift in her sleep before they moved out of the bedroom. "Settle sweetheart. Just settle down." Ava whispered as she stroked the girl's head and back. It was strange how completely different and but how similar this was to taking care of her own children. Her other children Ava corrected and shook her head. Of course Ava loved the girl. From the moment Agent Hunt told her about the baby Ava had loved her if only out of obligation to abandoned Justin. But those feelings were vague and dependant on their common connection. It wasn't until Ava spotted her in the cramped living room that the emotion bloomed. At that moment Alicia wasn't just a living representation of random past events she was Ava's daughter.

Thirty minutes or three hours could have easily passed by the time Ashlee walked up behind them in the middle of Ava reporting her autobiography. She'd just gotten to up to her first meeting with Bill when Ashlee interrupted with "Hey do you think this is the best story for our little girl?" and watched as Ava broke out into a slow grin. "What's that for?

"It's true isn't it? She's our little girl. After everything Li went through she's finally where she belongs isn't she?" Ava asked not quite confident enough to make the mental leap until Ashlee wrapped her arms around them both and kissed the infant's cheeks. "We're finally taking you home honey."

* * *

><p>The day was finally here after what felt like weeks of aggravation from not only her children but also the parentals. They'd bought the tickets months ago after Blake saw the ad online. Cirque du Soleil was in Chicago and everyone was packing up to drive the four hours and making a weekend of the event. Ashlee laughed that Doris and Olivia seemed more excited than the kids did but Ava's enthusiasm was right there with them if only for the respite from work. It had been a harrowing few months at the hotel because of a lost account and a nearly averted strike. She was only supposed to work a few hours a week but the hotel was so hectic that Ava spent more than a few nights in its suites just because it was too late to drive home. Ashlee hadn't been too sympathetic and threatened to bundle up the kids and the dog and head to the hotel herself on their fifth night apart. Ava never let the long hours interfere with earning her MBA but it was spilling over at home. This weekend was going to be about reconnecting to her family until a dreaded rash appeared.<p>

It was half an hour before they drove to the farmhouse that Cat spotted it. "Mommy Ally got an ouchie." Ava heard her daughter say as she loaded their car with strollers and suitcases and continued on without breaking stride. Years of scraped knees and busted lips had gotten her a bit calloused to that routine unless there was pool of bright blood. Kiss it, squirt some Neosporin, and cover it with a bandage but keep it moving Ava thought until Ashlee called her into the kitchen. Rolling her eyes Ava expected to be called on putting an empty cartoon back into the refrigerator until she saw her wife's eyes as she pointed towards their daughter.

"I didn't do it"

"I'm serious look at this." Ashlee said holding the smiling girl in Ava's face. Ally assumed it was a game and reached out to grip onto her mama's arms.

"Ash I don't have time for this I was packing."

Ignoring her wife Ashlee pulled up Ally's shirt exposing the toddler's shoulders and back. "It's getting worse. Yesterday I assumed it was just the heat but it's getting worse. It's spreading and the bumps look bigger." The girl had been sleeping a lot lately but her parents assumed it was because the kids were wearing themselves out during Stino's summer vacation.

"Maybe its" Ava tried before her wife over talked her.

"We can't go. I have to take her to the doctor."

"Ash the kids have been waiting on this forever."

"I'm not going to let this get worse or risk everyone getting sick. You're just going to have to call and cancel while I take her to the doctor's." Ashlee said moving to the back room before Ava reached out to stop her. "Ava I'm not taking our daughter to Chicago to see an overpriced circus when she could have God knows what. They can just go without us." She said without even a second thought. That was just who Ashlee was. Regardless of the cost she would give everything she had to her children or her wife.

"The kids don't have to miss the weekend just because of this."

"I'm not asking our parents to watch our three in addition to Colin and Sarah without any help."

"Neither am I" Ava laughed and said "You and the kids go and I'll take Allybear to the doctor" as she reached for the girl.

"No way am I leaving my sick child alone."

"She won't be alone I'm going to be here and we don't even know that she's sick. It might be an allergic reaction." Ava repeated while trying to control her tone. "It'll give me time to write my paper and work on the Beacon's spreadsheet." Taking Ashlee's concern personally did no good. Ashlee trusted no one but herself to care for ill family members regardless of the degree or filial relation. "Get Emma and Clarissa to ride with you and distract the kids from killing each other." It had taken some harsh words on both sides for Ava to hear the devotion behind the words instead of insult but fierce loyalty was one of the traits that led Ava to fall in love with the blonde. "Look at them do you want to be the one that calls everything off?" Stino was kneeling on the floor tying Cat's shoes as the girl sat on the sofa adjusting her pack straps. Spence was holding a favorite toy as he jumped up and down in the middle of the room.

Looking back and forth between her children and wife Ashlee tried again "I should stay here and you take the kids."

"You're going to have a good time and that's final." At the last words the children broke out in song causing Thomas to run from his bed to investigate. "Now we won't have to take him to the kennel. Solves everything" Ava tried again with a brighter smile. Ashlee wasn't easily swayed but she was outnumbered and Blake and Olivia kept calling to check on their progress.

"Are you absolutely sure? I could stay"

"Nope I didn't want to tell you this before but Ally kept complaining that we needed some one on one bonding. Didn't want to make you jealous." Knowing exactly what Ava was doing Ashlee just smiled and wrote out more instructions as she listened to Ava schedule with a receptionist. Standing beside the loaded car Ava had to literally bite her tongue as Ashlee once more repeated herself. "Okay okay I got it. Call before the appointment, call during, call afterwards and call if she gets any worse." She waved and held her sleeping daughter as her family drove away.

* * *

><p>It had been a good night. Both Thomas and Ally were happy for the extra attention and space in the bed and Ashelee and Natalia had agreed to call every hour instead of every fifteen minutes. It had taken a few moments of silence not to yell that they should just put her on speaker phone so that Ava didn't have to repeat herself but that outburst was quickly stifled. Other than stressing out her family Ava could scarcely tell that there was anything wrong with the girl. She clung a bit more than normal but she was probably just missing her rambunctious brothers and sister. Ava was fully prepared for the pediatrician to look at her like a typical overdramatic parent until the woman's eyebrows rose as soon they walked in for the exam without seeing Ally's back.<p>

Oh God she's going to kill me. She and Natalia are going to absolutely kill me then find a way to bring me back so they can kill me again. Ava thought silently as the doctor inquired about the health of her other children. She's missed their first calls of the morning because the ringer was off and then her phone died just before walking into the waiting area and the car charger was nowhere in sight. Only a couple hundred miles separated Ava from certain death when she was finally able to talk to the women. The girl had been asleep since leaving the doctor so Ava had to force her to drink some milk with her Tylenol every few hours. It would do no good to say that the virus had almost run their course. The doctor suspected Ally had been sick at least a week ago and the typical symptom of fever had been hidden by her constant play. When Ashlee heard she was going to have a cow and Ava was almost more worried about her wife than she was about their daughter. Ally was oblivious to anything being wrong.

The house phone could be heard ringing as soon as Ava opened her car door and she didn't want to consider the voicemails and texts on her cellphone. Taking long enough just to let Thomas out to the backyard and put Ally to bed Ava sighed and held her breath before picking up the phone. Hello wasn't even out her mouth before Ashlee was yelling. "What the hell happened? I've been calling you for hours. How is my daughter?"

There were a thousand ways to ease into the news but Ava knew direct was best especially considering their children. "She's going to be fine but she has the measles."

"What?" Ashlee screeched before Ava had the chance to pull the phone away. "Oh my God is she okay? How's her breathing? Is she in any pain? I'm going to tell the others and I'll be home in a few hours."

"No"

"Excuse me? No? My daughter is sick and"

"And there is no reason for you to come because she'll probably be over it by Sunday."

"I'm not going to stay here screwing around when she needs me"

"You're not screwing around you're taking care of our other children. Doctor Adame said Ally is no longer infectious but do you really want to take that chance? Stay there and have a good time while I take care of Ghost Rider."

"Ava"

"Baby she's fine. Please stay." She didn't want to listen and neither did Natalia but the other women convinced them of Ava's wisdom. The first night had been breeze but the second Ally was feeling the full effects and screamed and yelled into the night. Nothing Ava did suited the girl who was also lonely for her family. The hostility almost rivaled their first night in Germany when she was taken from her foster family. Ava's tears were running just as freely as Ally's and Thomas had long ago hidden from the chaos.

Ava woke up to her wife sitting on their bed rubbing the toddler with oatmeal lotion a full twenty four hours before her scheduled arrival. "Did you at least obey the speed signs?" Ava tried with what she hoped was a light tone but it wasn't light enough judging by the way Ashlee narrowed and cut her eyes toward her. What she really wanted to do was yell at Ashlee for placing not only herself but their children in danger by driving the interstate upset in the middle of the night but that wouldn't change anything. It certainly wouldn't make Ashlee less prone to throwing her out of their bed if not the house.

"What else are you giving her besides Tylenol?" Clearly the younger woman wasn't in the mood to joke.

"I'm giving her cool baths and forcing Pedialyte every two or three hours." The curt nod was the only acknowledgement that Ashlee gave before returning to stare at their daughter. "She's going to be fine Ash." Ava said quietly. "The doctor doesn't foresee any complications and I'm following her every word."

Ashlee responded without looking up. "I should have been here and realized that she was sick. She had a fever for two to three days and I didn't even notice." Ashlee stopped as her throat tightened. "If something happened to her because I was careless and neglectful then I don't know what I'd do. I just love her so much" She finally choked out as she allowed Ava to take her in her arms.

"You have never been careless or neglectful with our children. Baby she's going to be fine. Doris and Olivia would have a fit if they weren't. Not to mention Natalia and Blake and Clarissa and Emma and Reva and Buzz and"

"Okay I get it" Ashlee laughed as they lay in bed watching the sleeping girl for several moments. When Ava pulled away to leave the bed Ashlee reacted refusing to let go.

"The kids are going to be up soon if they aren't already up tearing down the house."

Burrowing down further into the mattress Ashlee pulled Ava on top as a personal blanket. "I flew down. Natalia and Blake are driving the kids back." Just before she drifted off she warned "Oh Natalia told me to tell warn that you'd better run when you see her."


	13. Chapter 13

(Mother/daughter push and pull)

_Since conception it seemed that Ava had been upending her life. She had lived a relatively happy life without one thought to her first child but now and in spite of herself she found it ironic that most days did not pass without some thought to that child's welfare. Ava had bullied her way into her life and at one point not a single place Olivia could turn without her unwanted presence. Now it felt as if the roles had been reverse somehow and she was now the one running after Ava only to be spurned._

* * *

><p>Everyone was completely stuffed sitting around the table after Sunday dinner. The Spencer-Rivera's and the Mahler-Wolf's had been breaking bread together periodically long before the Wolf-Peralta merging but since the birth of the first grandchild Sunday dinner became their tradition. The venue alternated between the farmhouse or the Queen Anne with some random excursions to the Towers or Company. The atmosphere wasn't always relaxed or even happy but they made it work because it was family. It was their time to decompress from the stresses of the week and coordinate increasingly complicated schedules. There were seven children to chauffeur in a million different directions and the fact that two were driving didn't make it any less hectic on the adults.<p>

The food was cleared and Clarissa and Emma were watching the younger ones play konnect in the living room. Every few seconds there were thumps and bumps followed by a kiddie voice shouting "I'm okay." Hopefully no one would be maimed within the next few hours Ashlee thought to herself. It would really mess up the finely worked routine the adults had going at least until next Sunday. "So are you sure you can take her to the doctor Mom? I can still cancel that meeting?" It had taken fifteen minutes to finally settle on Olivia taking Cat to Cedars. Natalia was the usual candidate until she was finally hired at the local women's shelter. The economy was hard hit everywhere and there weren't many places taking inexperienced social workers. Ava asked before Doris interrupted. "I want to know why no one ever asks me to take the kids to the doctor? I'm their grandmother and I…"

"I'm sorry if I don't want my children escorted by the woman who insulted their pediatrician." Ava returned.

"I was waiting on that spot for over a minute when he cut in front of me." Doris spat trying to defend herself once again. "He drove down the wrong side of a one way street. In some places he could have been legally shot. He probably doesn't even remember me."

"Mom you screamed 'limp dicked weasel' at him in the middle of lunch hour. I don't think a decade would be long enough for him to forget. You're not taking the kids to see him." Ashlee could tell Doris was upset by the way she pushed away from the table and rolled her eyes but the man gave her children booster shots for God's sakes. Moving on she looked around and reminded "Don't forget we're having dinner Friday to celebrate Stino's first cub badge.

"A party" Blake smiled. "Do you think we still have time to arrange for that magician?"

"Yes, all the kids at Colin's party loved him. I can cook and Olivia and Doris can" Natalia started before being cut off mid-sentence.

"It's not a party. It's a dinner. It'll be the family and maybe one or two kids from his class."

"He's learning how to take care of himself and his community so I think he's earned a party" Olivia said turning towards her daughter.

"I know and that's why he's having a special dinner" Ava clarified looking at Natalia "and you aren't cooking. You're going to relax for once."

"It's not a problem I love cooking for my nietos. I know just what I'll make too. We can have…"

"We'll order a few pizzas and wings, put on a movie, and his friends will sleepover. That's it. It's not going to be a big deal." As soon as the words were out of Ava's mouth Ashlee could sense the tension fill the room. Every milestone in her children's lives was a huge event to these women. "He'll love it."

"A pizza and a movie to celebrate his first advancement in the Boy Scouts?" Olivia repeated with more than a hint of sarcasm.

"That should be fun" Blake tried but Ashlee could tell that she was less than thrilled with the idea as well. "We can still have a cake and put up some decorations right?"

"No we aren't having a party"

"Ava" Ashlee tried again. There was no point in turning each skirmish into a battle. They had four children the oldest of which wasn't even seven. "maybe we can have a tiny party?"

"His birthday is in two weeks. The twins just had a birthday and Ally's is next month. We had a huge barbeque for Cat's gymnastics team and Spence's soccer championship. They've had more parties in the past six months than most kids get their entire lives. He doesn't need another one."

"We don't want them expecting a gift every time they do something." Ashlee added hoping some good old fashioned reasoning would settle the issue but of course she wasn't dealing with any ordinary group of ladies.

"Yeah you're right they shouldn't start relying on their family to recognize their achievements." Olivia said looking around after throwing her hands up in disbelief.

Getting upset Ava raised her voice "I will not have spoiled brats who demand everything handed to them" and crossed her hands over her chest.

"He earned that badge." Olivia growled and moved further into her daughter's personal space. "I should know because I'm the one that took him and Fancy to the park every Saturday for a month to pick up cans."

"No one asked you to! If it's too much of an inconvenience Ashlee and I will be glad to take them." With that Ava jumped out of her seat and stormed towards the living room but not before Natalia grabbed onto her shirt. "Ava please don't do this. So we have a difference of opinion about…"

"Oh don't stop her. It's what she always does when she hears something she doesn't like. Who's being the brat now?"

Whipping her head around Natalia said in a low voice "Olivia you're not helping!"

"We're leaving. If you any of you want to come to the dinner you're welcome." And without another word Ava gathered her children and had them loaded into the truck before Ashlee could even react. Stunned Ashlee looked around the table and saw the worry and fear not only in Olivia's eyes but also her parents. There was no identifiable reason why this tiff morphed into her wife yanking their kids out of their grandmothers' home.

"What the hell was that?" Blake asked standing to look out of her window towards the suburban parked in her front yard. Francesca was bothered enough to pause her favorite game and climb into her mommy's lap as Emma and Clarissa stood next to Natalia.

"I" "I" she tried before the shrill blare of the horn stopped her stumbling. Blinking wearily Ashlee glanced once more around the room before she walked out her mother's home. In the coming week the agreed upon schedule was followed until the letter. In the many years that bound their families together arguments and disagreements were plentiful and even more volatile than this but for some reason it was clear that it was different.

* * *

><p>Ashlee hadn't seen pain and disappointment in her wife's eyes quite so visibly in a long time. Olivia over stepped. She always did but so did Natalia, Blake and Doris. Trying to objectively look at all sides for the life of her Ashlee could not piece it together. It wasn't a huge surprise that Ava reacted to this latest volley by pulling away. It was a familiar dance for the couple but it didn't make it hurt any less. Just when they needed to lean upon each other Ava withdrew and reinforced ancient walls. Fighting, pushing, even begging and pleading wouldn't work she just had to silently watch her wife figure it out for herself and she wasn't the only one worried.<p>

Although Ava saw her mother and stepmother each at work day as usual it was still Ashlee that Natalia called each night for updates and possible solutions but she didn't know. Something was hurting her wife and now it was affecting everything that Ava touched. Ava buried herself in projects at work so she didn't have to interact with her parents and when she came home she barracked in her office to avoid questions from her wife. Tomorrow was the dinner and Ashlee knew that there was no way anyone could focus on Stino if they didn't work this out now. "Talk to me" she opened without preamble as she sat down in front of Ava's desk. The children were finally asleep and she hoped that the two gin and tonics that Ava had with dinner would mellow her just a bit.

Rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands Ava yawned and tried her best to deflect the question by pretending not to understand its meaning. "I have five more pages to go over before I can even think about going to bed" Ava frowned. "I'd much rather be celebrating the kids falling asleep before midnight in bed with you instead of here at this desk."

"Ava please" Ashlee said rolling her eyes to let her wife know that the subterfuge wasn't working. "Stino's dinner is tomorrow and you and Olivia still aren't speaking."

"And that's my fault?"

Ashlee purposely took a deep breath and concentrated on keeping her tone calm and soothing. "I'm not saying it's anyone's fault but it isn't the atmosphere that I want for his day." It would not do any good to open another front to the latest Spencer War.

"Wasn't it you that first said you didn't want this dinner to turn into a big production? I'm sorry if I was trying to get my mother to respect the boundaries that we both agreed upon."

"I'm not saying you were wrong." Ashlee hissed before she controlled her temper. "I'm saying that it's over. They wanted a party we said no and now it's time to move past it. This has happened a million times before but for some reason you're still angry and I want to know why."

"Maybe I'm tired of constantly having to justify everything to our parents." Sitting back and pointing to the roof Ava lowered her voice and creased her brow "Those are our children. Not theirs. We decide what's best for them. Not Olivia, Doris, Natalia, or Blake."

Walking around the desk and sitting in Ava's lap Ashlee kissed her wife's brow softly. "Please tell me what's really bothering you and don't give me our parents meddling because I'm not buying it." Leaning over and sweeping her wife's lips with her own she asked again even more softly. "Baby please talk to me."

"Why couldn't…" Ava started before emotions overwhelmed her. "I see how much she loves him. How much she loves all of them." Ava said before turning away and burying her head in Ashlee's shoulder. "Even before I found out she was my mother I always admired how great she was with Em. The way that she loves Fance and Rafe no would dare ask if she didn't have them herself."

"She loves you like that too baby. I know you don't always see that especially when you're both trying to out maneuver each other on deals and contracts but anyone can see how proud she is to have you as a daughter."

"Now" Ava whispered as she turned her head.

"Sweetie"

"I know. I know everything you're going to say. She wasn't ready to be a mother. She was a teenager barely able to support herself and sister and brother. Her mother just died and she was pregnant from a rape. Catherine was everything I could have wanted or needed in a mother. I know all of that but that doesn't change how I feel."

Pulling up Ava's head so that she could look into her wife's tear filled eyes she asked "And how do you feel?"

"Like if she loves them why couldn't she even try to love me?" As soon as Ava said the words it was as if a gaping hole opened in her chest. Something that should have been settled long ago was still destroying her wife and there was nothing Ashlee could do except hold on and love her. If it weren't for the fact that all of the children were looking forward to the night Ashlee would have cancelled the entire evening. Neither Ava nor Olivia could change their past actions and the pain that would erupt wouldn't benefit their family. There was no way she was going to tell Ava she was wrong for feeling abandoned but how could Ashlee judge the actions of a little girl violated and destroyed.

* * *

><p>"I think that maybe it should be just Ava and the kids and I tonight." Ashlee hedged as she spoke to Natalia and Blake in front of company. "There are still a lot of sore feelings and I don't want my children to be around it."<p>

"Your mother-in-law is Olivia and your mother is Doris. Your children are going to be around sore feelings for the rest of their lives." Blake laughed still not getting Ashlee's point.

"I just think that maybe it might be simpler if we waited a while. The birthday party is in a week so things should be calmer by then."

"The kids don't pay any mind to those two. All they care about is having their grandmas and abuela there. We're not going to miss this day just because Olivia and Ava are bent out of shape with each other. Again."

* * *

><p>There was the normal expected tension from the argument but Ashlee could tell that even Olivia was perplexed by Ava's continued reticence. Holding a grudge or getting pissed the elder Spencer well understood but for some reason it seemed like more but she couldn't understand why. The mother and daughter bumped head every day several times a day without this distance. Eventually the friction was too much for Ashlee and she finagled Emma and Clarissa into driving the kids to local Cold Stone for a few hours while hopefully the situation was finally put to bed.<p>

"Now that Ashlee has so subtly cleared the room anyone want to tell me what's going on?"

"Olivia maybe you could calm down a little." Doris said looking between the two women and for once not adding to the flame.

"I am calm."

"Then get calmer." Natalia clipped off toward her wife before asking "What's wrong?" of Ashlee and Ava.

"Yes why does it feel like we're all missing something important here? I mean are you still mad about Sunday? Yes we love spoiling our grandchildren. I will be the first to admit that but we all respect that you're the moms" Blake added.

"I don't want to do this Ash"

"I know but you have to baby. It's killing you and eventually it'll destroy what we've all worked so hard to build. I know you don't want that." Getting up and kissing Ava's forehead Ashlee murmured "I'm right here" as she reached for Ava's hand.

The air was heavy and no one knew what to expect as Ava softly spoke. "I'm sorry mom. Ash and I had already planned how we wanted this day to go so when everyone started chiming in I just got pissed. I'm sorry for taking it out on you."

"I wasn't trying to push I just love them so much you know? I want to give them everything that I didn't have. I want them to have the biggest and best of everything because that's what they deserve even though they might not need it. We want the same for all our children" It was then that Ava's emotional dam broke and all the emotions she'd buried burst through and Ashlee stepped back and allowed Olivia to comfort her wife. It was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. In a few moments all the work that Olivia and Ava put into their sometimes continuous and fractious relationship could be for naught if Ava couldn't get Olivia to understand. "Baby what's wrong? Are you sick? Is something wrong with one of the kids? You can tell me anything I swear whatever it is I'll do whatever it takes to fix."

"I love you mom."

"Oh baby I love you too. I love you so much. Do you know how much I love going to work knowing that I'm building a future for our family? Do you know how proud I am of all that you've accomplished at the Beacon? I know that I'm not the most open person but I swear not a day goes by that I don't thank God that I have you back in my life. You are the missing piece that I didn't even know was gone. I love you baby." Olivia said and slowly with each word Ashlee saw the joy and the peace return to Ava's eyes. It was okay. They were going to be okay again.

"I love you too mom."


	14. Chapter 14

(Insecurity)

_"If you can't what? What's going on with you Ash? What has you so scared all of a sudden? We've seen each other naked lots of times. What made you freak out tonight?"_

_"Jake" Ashlee ground out._

_"Jake what the fuck does Jake have to do with anything?"_

_"He said that I. He said that I would never be able to please you. That you couldn't possibly be satisfied by someone like me and once you realized that he would take you away from me"_

* * *

><p>In less than a month Ashlee would be returning to work and leaving their children to her wife's fulltime care. When they first married they were agreed that any babies they had would be their first priority. Careers and education were secondary and that was fine until Ashlee had the brilliant idea of expanding their family even before she graduated from Northwestern. It had been a hard three years spent changing diapers, writing theses, and analyzing spreadsheets but Ava and Ashlee had done it. They had come through that time stronger if not more tired than ever but eventually things changed. Ava was given more responsibilities in franchising the Beacon and Ashlee was offered a dream position at NYU. They both wanted to be fulltime caregivers but life demands kept calling.<p>

Landing someone as loving and responsible as Amy had been a major feat but neither woman wanted to hand their children over to another stranger. The twins were older and a bit more rowdy than before but now there was a high strung baby with abandonment issues not to mention the grandmothers and abuela who would be helicoptering in every five minutes so Ashlee had just stayed at home. But now after almost a year after giving up her career she had again found the perfect job. If her children did not drive her crazy in the next few days that is.

When she reached over to turn off the blaring alarm clock there were two children fast asleep between her and Ava. Ashlee didn't even look under the covers to investigate before starting breakfast because it was such a common occurrence. Once Ava tried locking their door and had held Ashlee down when tiny fists and soft cries rang through the night but after a week of waking to her sleeping babies piled up outside her bedroom the door went back to being unlocked. This was probably the one thing that Ashlee was going to miss the most although she would never admit it to her wife. While she always cooked for her family in the mornings she was given more opportunity for one and one time with each.

By the time Ashlee was standing in front of the stove Ali had wandered out of the bed to join her. The little girl was still more clingy than probably normal but having three children previously had broken Ashlee out of the need for personal space. Ali would lay down directly behind wherever she found her mother and Ashlee would be forced to step over the girl as she slept. It had taken a few tries but Ashlee got to the point that she didn't even need to look down to know where it was safe to step. In a few minutes Stino stumbled in half asleep and mostly naked. For some reason the boy had started sleeping nude. He complained of "it" being too tight. Ava and Ashlee had bought larger pajamas and looser underwear but by morning all the covers were kicked off and he was completely naked. The parents compromised that he could sleep in the buff if he made sure to put his boxers on before he left the room. Ashlee held Ali as they watched Stino eat and before long Spence was running into the room with Thomas at his heels. How she would get out of medicating her son for ADHD when he started school she didn't know but she intended her best to figure it out. He practically vibrated with energy and spent as much time on top of or underneath the table as in front of it. She didn't want to be a mother that constantly harped to the point that Spence completely ignored her but it was hard not to react each time his behavior crossed the line.

My morning babies are what she called Ali, Stino, and Spence. The three of them effortlessly woke and interacted fairly well with each except sporadic love taps that siblings shared but without nearly the tension and effort that the other two caused. Even Ali knew not to interact with Ava before the woman had her first cup of coffee. Her eyes were practically sealed shut as she drug herself straight to the pot and took two long sips of the volcanic brew. It took a couple of seconds and then it was as if a switch had been flipped and the Ava and Mama that they loved was back. They sat around the table talking for a few minutes before Ashlee sent Ali on a mission that no one else in the family dared, waking Cat. The girl was blessed or whisperer but she was the only individual that could get Cat out of bed without suffering a slapped face or kicked shin in the process. Eventually and after much effort her family would be gathered around the table preparing of their day and there wasn't a better time to let each of them know how loved and valued they were. This is what she would miss most when she returned to work Ashlee thought as she watched Ava and Stino drive off in the car.

* * *

><p>Wondering how Ava was handle these moments was also a huge worry as she counted down the days. Her wife was a wonderful mother and the children loved being with her but there was still the fact that Ava didn't always do things correctly. Ashlee's way and how to reconcile that Ava's way could be just as effective. She was slowly moving towards that opinion but it still needed a bit of massaging so Ava was spending her final two weeks coming home early to learn the approved way. Ashlee was about to text Ava a grocery list when the phone rang. "I was just thinking about you."<p>

"And why is that a surprise? I thought I was always on your mind." Ava laughed.

"Oh you are. In more ways than one but I was hoping to convince you to pick up a few things on your way home."

"And how exactly were you going to do that?"

"I believe I could think up a few things" Ashlee said with a smile before hearing her wife softly moan on the other end.

"As much as I would like to get into the particulars of that I was wondering if you had anything planned for tonight?"

Whispering Ashlee teased her wife with "I don't think I could even describe all the things that I have planned for us."

"Baby you're killing me" Ava tried again while Ashlee chuckled.

"Fine spoil sport what's more important than flirting with your wife?"

"Nothing sweetheart but something did just come up that I'm hoping you'll be okay with."

"Okay you're starting to sound a lot like Stino when he's broken something. What's up?"

"Um how would you feel about having company for dinner?" Ava asked after a brief hesitation.

"Tonight? Um. Okay is it the person you were meeting from California?"

"Yes we were able to iron out the details before lunch but I was hoping that maybe…"

"You could bring them home? Sure sweetie so who is this master schmoozer I'm about to meet?"

"Um. Ah. Um." Ava started a few times before clearing her throat and starting again. "About that."

"What's going on Ava? Who is it?" Ashlee inquired a bit more forcefully. More and more she was starting to see her son's behavior in her wife and it made her just as nervous. "Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Well did I tell you that the person was a representative of Rowe and Rowe my old company?"

"No I don't think you mentioned that. That's fine I mean unless it was…" Ashlee said before Ava interrupted.

"Actually he isn't actually from R&R he's the manager of a subsidiary company. I didn't even know they were even affiliated until today. It's not like I would have kept something like this from you."

"Of course you wouldn't." Ashlee agreed wondering why Ava's voice was getting so strained. "I don't care it is if you feel that you liked them enough to bring home. I mean I don't even remember any of the people you worked with except…"

"I would never want to do anything to upset you. I hope you know how much you mean to me. It's just that I was good friends with this person before I left and it seemed like a good idea at the time that he come over to have dinner with us but maybe I should cancel. You know what I will never mind. I've changed my mind. I'll just have lunch with him here and I'll be home right after. What did you want me to get from the store?"

"Hold up. What's going on here? First you want to have him over and now you've changed your mind? Why is this even an issue unless…" Ashlee stopped waiting for Ava to reassure her that they were not discussing the same man. "Ava tell me that Jake isn't the man you invited to our house."

"Baby please just hear me out."

"You invited that man to our house? What the hell were you thinking!"

"I just thought well." Ava stopped and collected her thoughts before trying again. "I didn't know that it was going to be him today so when I walked in and saw him standing in the lobby and we started talking it seemed like a good idea at the time. He was a good friend when I was going through a rough time."

"Yes I know exactly how good of a friend."

"Ash please it's not like that. We talked about work and our families. It was like before we even started dating." I don't think you can date a married man it was an affair Ashlee thought but had the good sense enough not to say aloud. "You were okay with us talking on linkedin."

"I was anything but okay with that. If I were I wouldn't have made you promise never to email, call, or contact him more than every few months two or three times at a time. But I accepted that he was a part of your past and that I can't control everything you do."

"Baby"

"Are you talking to him over the phone? Are you having lunch with him today? Is that why you weren't answering your phone?"

"Yes I asked him to lunch but I have never broken our agreement. I didn't know that he was the person they would be sending."

"I bet he couldn't say the same."

"Ash"

"If you want to have dinner with him fine just make sure you pick up something on your way home." Ashlee said effectively ending their conversation.

"I'm sorry I don't want to upset you. I didn't realize. I'm sorry. I'll cancel with him."

"No don't. You're right. You were friends before and you two happened to meet again for a business function. Please invite him over and I promise that I will make him feel welcomed." Ashlee said more conviction than she actually felt.

"Are you sure? I don't want this to hurt us. I like him and I enjoyed talking with him but if I never heard from him again it wouldn't affect me either way. You and our family are all that matter to me."

"I know. I'll see you soon." Ashlee heard but didn't respond to the I love you her wife offered. It wasn't out of spite but she was still reeling from the new found information. Jackson Steel was probably one of the most charismatic and ruggedly good looking man she'd ever met. Yes he and her wife shared a past but so did her wife and several handsome men right there in Springfield. If anyone should make her jealousy peak it should have been wealthy CEO and heir Alan-Michael. Hell Ava was married to Bill and had a child with Remy and none of those men inspired a tenth of the animosity that Jake did. But none of those other men had boldly challenged to steal her wife back. It was years ago and long before the couple had ever married and he could have changed but for some reason Ashlee didn't think so. She wouldn't put it past the man to have hidden his position just to provoke some response not only from Ava but from herself as well. His wedding gift to them was an expensive espresso set from his and Ava's favorite San Francisco coffee house. After Stino was born he sent the boy a miniature copy of the roadster that he had seduced her wife in. He didn't need to say it explicitly Ashlee could see it from Ava's barely contained reactions. He wanted what she had and Ashlee would be damned if he would succeed. If he wanted to flaunt their past to Ashlee then he would see just what he would never have again.

* * *

><p>By the time Ava came home all the children except Ali were at Blake and her mother's for the night and the little girl was fast asleep upstairs. She came in cautiously still expecting the disappointment and hurt that she heard over the phone but Ashlee was intent on holding it together at least until the night was over. After that she was going to make sure to find out where Ava's head was throughout all of this. She sent her upstairs to get dressed with as passionate a kiss as she could manage without bending her over the table. Having Jake see Ava freshly fucked and satiated was a running thought but Ashlee reasoned it would be better to have her wife on edge and waiting for her. He would know that he could never satisfy her as she could. It was a completely confusing situation for Ava because she braced herself for a knock down fight and was immediately swept into teasing that she had not experienced since before they made love. She was definitely on edge in more ways than one.<p>

The dinner was fabulous and Ashlee pulled out all the stops for the meal. Ava was wondering if she should surprise her wife with more dinner guests if this was the response. Ava and Jake commiserated about their new positions and laughed about past business aspirations. They laughed and joked about difficult past supervisors and customers and shared their struggles for success. Jake was completely respectful and appropriate and to someone else it might have looked like any other meeting between old friends. Yet to Ashlee the desire in his eyes was only hidden just below the surface. The hostility and vulnerability he radiated that day at hospital was still as open and visible. What he hoped to accomplish she could not fathom but she knew in her heart that she would die before she let Ava go.

Ashlee was serving the dessert when Ali started to cry. When she looked over to hand him the plate before leaving he gave her the same smug and self-satisfied smirk had had when Ava asked to speak to him alone that night in her apartment. He expected to get Ava then and he expected the same now. Just moments alone with him would make Ava forget all about her he believed. She wouldn't let him see the fear in her eyes but she did do something that she wished she could have done before. Leaning over she kissed Ava as soundly as possible without sliding over into obscene before comforting their daughter.

The girl was finally getting the cold that her sister and brothers had been passing around for weeks and could not be settled without great effort and time. Eventually Ashlee bathed her to cool her down and held her in the rocking chair as the girl lightly dozed. She tried not to think about what was going on downstairs between her wife and that man. They hadn't even finished the second bottle of wine before she left and she prayed that nothing would blur or weaken her wife's defenses. There was no reason why Ashlee couldn't just go down there to get the other medicines in the refrigerator or get a cup of cold water for the girl. Hell she could even go to update Ava on Ali's condition but Ashlee wouldn't do that. Whatever was going to happen would happen without her interference. Ava chose her once and Ashlee prayed with all of her heart that she would do again. There was nothing else that she could believe.

* * *

><p>"Shhh don't worry I'm just putting her down into her crib." Ashlee heard Ava say but the room was darkened and her voice was muted. When her eyes did adjust to the shadowy light she saw Ava had already showered and changed for the night. How long had she been asleep? "Aw poor baby finally fell victim to your siblings' germs." Ava softly laughed. "Now how about I help mommy get ready for bed."<p>

Turning away the hand that Ava offered Ashlee asked "How long have I been up here? When did Jake leave?"

"Let's go into the other room before we wake her?" Ava said trying again to help her wife.

"No tell me how long I was up here taking care of our daughter while you were downstairs with him." Even though the words were softly said Ashlee could tell that Ava felt there weight by the way her eyes fluttered. "And why have you already taken a bath?" At the last part her voice broke in rapidly mounting fear.

"He left about ten minutes after you came up here and I accidently splashed sauce all over my top and in my hair when I stumbled over some toys in the kitchen when I was cleaning up." Ava said with her hand still held out.

Hot shame filled Ashlee's face as she looked down and took the offered help. "I'm sorry" she whispered as they walked into their bedroom.

"It's okay." Ava mumbled as she pulled the covers apart.

"No its not I'm sorry. I don't know why I would ask those questions. I know that you would never hurt me and our family like that. I know that you love me as much as I love you. Please forgive me." Ashlee begged.

Not looking up Ava asked "Why did you say that he could come if you didn't want him here? I told you that I would have understood. He was a good friend a long time ago but you are my life."

"I don't want to make choices like that for you again. I know that you were hurt when I put so many stipulations on your interactions with him. I just didn't want to make you, I don't know, regret picking me."

At that Ava pulled Ashlee close and pulled her chin up so that they were looking eye to eye. "Baby I could never do that. I'm fine with whatever makes you feel comfortable. I don't need him in my life. I only need you."

Crying Ashlee buried her head in Ava's shoulder and sobbed "I'm sorry for not trusting enough in you."

"You don't ever have to be scared or ashamed to tell me how you feel. Yours is the only opinion that matters to me. Please believe that. I love you."


	15. Chapter 15

(Not becoming a relationship statistics)

_Daisy was beginning to wonder where Ashlee was spending all her time and who she was texting every five minutes. Before Ava Ashlee was just as likely to leave her cell phone on the desk as to put it in her bookbag. Daisy was the only person aside from her mother that called her regularly and Daisy was in most of her classes and Ashlee always talked to her mom eventually_

* * *

><p>Ashlee fell asleep sitting in bed eating yogurt and cucumbers while waiting on Ava to return from a study session. It was a rare weekend of a quiet house free of minors except the Thomas the chocolate lab. Stino and Spence were spending the night at the farmhouse after joining the family in cheering on Emma during her basketball tournament. The girls left earlier with Blake and Doris after Cat almost had an incident with a boy a little too rambunctious with his foam finger. This was the first time in weeks that the women had an entire night alone and Ashlee wasn't going to let the opportunity slip by. There were unlit candles scattered around the room and she was lying on top of the duvet in a negligee saved for a special occasions. It wasn't until she felt the bed dip that Ashlee even realized she'd fallen asleep.<p>

It was obvious that her wife had been beside her for some time and a quick check towards the alarm clock and all the scattered clothes on the floor attested to that fact. Any other day the sight of power suits and silk blouses anywhere but hanging in the closet or properly sorted in the hamper would be cause for an immediate bitch out however tonight Ashlee's didn't give a single thought to the frustrations of trying to domesticate a house full of Spencers. It had taken her years just to get Ava grocery capable so she expected the lesson of sorting by color and fabric to take some effort. Only Stino was showing moderate progress but she was sure that was in spite of his mother's genetic profile.

No laundry was the last thing on Ashlee's mind especially when she looked over as saw Ava's naked back exposed as the sheets fell to her slender waist and the bathroom lights backlit the slight swells of breast. The tiny dimples sitting at the base of Ava's spine and few sprinklings of moles marking her pale skin stirred emotions that left Ashlee aching. They had been together for almost ten years and been married for most of those but Ava's body still affected her as strongly as their first night together. Moving to shadow Ava Ashlee ghosted her finger tips up and down Ava's hips and waited as the other woman's breathing patterns changed. Ava stretched slowly and eventually rolled over with her eyes firmly shut and asked in a whine similar to Cat's "is it morning yet?" Ashlee didn't bother responding as she molded her body tightly to her wife's lithe form and started kissing her neck and shoulders.

* * *

><p>Several hours later Ava's eyes were still sealed shut and the covers again settled around her waist but infrequent gasps replaced the gentle snores. "So it's safe to say that I'm not in trouble for not color coding my laundry?"<p>

Running her hands through Ava's hair Ashlee laughed before responding "I don't know about that but you did earn a few hours of reprieve."

* * *

><p>To top off the short break from parental obligation they watched tasteless and shameless reality tv and ate Buzz burgers with extra spicy chili cheese fries before the dreaded phone rang. Immediately they looked at each other wondering if they should dare to press their luck and respond. On the one had they did have four children at two different grandparents' homes who were very prone to trouble. On the other a weekend like this might not happen for another six months. Eventually Ashlee's sense of responsibility overpowered her wife's sweaty grip and she was able to wiggle free and answer the phone as she shot Ava the middle finger. "Hello?"<p>

"Took you long enough to answer."

"Daisy! Hey how are you girl" Ashlee laughed as she watched Ava wander into the bathroom knowing that the women were likely going to be on the phone for the next few hours. "What happened to you calling me right back last week?" The pair had gravitated towards each other while teenagers in Springfield. Both grew up with complicated and tenuous relationships with their mothers and never felt quite comfortable in the small town. The friendship had only grown stronger during their two years at Berkley. Daisy was the person that Ashlee first voiced her burgeoning feelings of homosexuality and Ashlee was the one that Daisy cried to when Harley frequently detached emotionally. Time and distance caused some strain but the love and trust between the two friends never faltered. So even over hundreds of miles of distance Ashlee could still picture the creases gathering on the woman's face just from the heavy sigh. "Daz what's wrong?" After a few false starts Ashlee heard her best friend breakdown and cry. She asked into the silence "Sweetie what's the matter?"

In between the tears Daisy repeated "It's over" and "I'm so stupid" a few times until she was ready to tell her story.

"Sweetie whatever is wrong you know I will do whatever you need to make it better right?"

"Not even you can help me this time Ash" Daisy mumbled as she breathed deeply into the phone. "My marriage is over. James and I are getting a divorce."

All the while Ashlee was whispering words of comfort in back of her mind a little part of her felt as if a long held burden was finally lifted. The sweet and earnest young man that had driven the girls out to California sharing big dreams and plans had long ago changed for the worst. The women tried to fool each other and themselves by making excuses for his bursts of selfishness,greed, and bullying. Ava was the first to grow callous to his constant excuses and promises of change but Ashlee believed if only for the benefit of her dearest friend. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"I don't know it's probably easier to say what's right since that's a much shorter list. I guess I just got tired of always being an afterthought. How long should I keep accepting him sleep walking through our relationship. The last straw was when he didn't even bother to make it to the ceremony. I finally realized that he doesn't care anything about anyone but himself and his money."

"Oh No sweetie why didn't you tell me? I could have flown in and…"

"The kids were sick and Ava was out of town on an emergency meeting. I understood."

"But I hate the fact that no one was there for you on your big day. You worked really hard for this. I wanted to be there. Damn it!" Ashlee cursed as her own tears started to form.

"Hey if you could have been there you would have. I know that. It's too bad I can't say the same about my Grandpa Buzz or Reva. But I guess they have their own lives and it is a few years overdue. But for James not to even make it. I was the only person in my entire class that didn't have one person in the audience." Daisy said before breaking out into sobs.

Ashlee loved Buzz and Reva but didn't know if she should see either of them anytime soon. Daisy was their fucking granddaughter and earned the first master's degree in either of their families and they couldn't take a couple of days out to see her walk across the stage? Ashlee was incredulous at the carelessness but for James to not make it. Wringing his neck would be too good for the dickhead. "It doesn't matter how long it took you Daz it only matters that you graduated. And what the hell did James say anyway?" It really didn't matter but she had to know what kind of excuse he had the gall to utter.

"Oh his secretary texted me that an important opportunity for Spaulding came up. He sent a limo filled with flowers and champagne and got his assistant to plan a celebration party the next week."

"Son of a bitch" Ashlee growled before she stopped herself.

"No I think that's exactly right. He has never been there for me. He doesn't support me or comfort me the way that Ava does for you. If it doesn't benefit him it's not even on his register regardless of how it affects me." Ashlee had begged Daisy to finish her degree but James insisted on being married immediately and promised that soon she'd return to school. The rest of the call consisted of Daisy crying and Ashlee promising constant love and encouragement. A few hours later when Ava climbed up the stairs baring cereal and scrambled eggs she too shook her head in anger and offered her support. After hearing that Daisy was seeking a break from the confusion by returning to Springfield for a few days Ava immediately offered their home as shelter. The two had never been the best of friends. Daisy had been justifiably worried that Ava meant her friend harm at the start of the relationship but time had eased the tension and both respected the other's place in Ashlee's heart.

"I know this is horrible to say but it's probably a good thing James was always too busy to have kids after all" Ava said upon hearing the news. "The last thing she needs right now is to go through a custody case with a Spaulding. A divorce is bad enough. I hope you told her that she's welcome here for as long as she needs. Our house is a little noisy but that might be just what she needs to get her mind off of all this."

* * *

><p><em>There was another woman passing through security with two small children one a girl around the same size as Cat and a boy that was a few inches taller than Stino. They found out that Rose lived less than a mile from their subdivision and was flying the children out to her mother's while she worked with a team of lawyers on a deposition in Huston for the next two weeks. Numbers and email addresses were exchanged as they departed towards their individual flights.<em>

* * *

><p>"Stop it. I've told you both to calm down and I'm tired of saying it" Ava kept repeating as Spence and Alli ran through the kitchen throwing toys at each other. "Spence and Alli I said…"<p>

Not even looking up from cutting Cat's steak Ashlee ordered "Stop it right now and the both of you sit down and finish your dinner." Of course the two immediately stopped and sat down at the table to eat as if the entire situation had been a figment of Ava's imagination. Stino didn't even try to conceal his look of pity. Cat was more concerned with her meal to even consider the scene and never looked up until the phone rang. "I'm going to answer that but I expect you all to listen to your mama until I get back is that understood." Ashlee said training a critical eye on each of her brood.

"Yes mommy" They chorused. Ashlee often teased her wife that if she became bedridden even for a week the kids were going to sell Ava off to a band of Gypsies and her wife's eye roll that the threat wasn't missed.

"Hello?" A phone call on the house phone during dinner rarely meant anything good so Ashlee braced herself for some kind of dramatics from either her family or her students. "This is the Wolf-Peralta residence."

"Ash?"

"Rose?"

"I hope this isn't a bad time" Ashlee assumed the other woman said but was unsure because of the noise from the other side of the line.

"No it's fine. Hey I haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks. How are things?" she asked as she signaled to Ava that they didn't have to pick anyone up from the county jail or the local bar. After they spoke for a few minutes Ashlee sensed there was something her friend was holding back. "Why didn't you call me on the cell phone? I almost didn't answer it because only telemarketers use this line." It was then that she heard the silent weight in the other woman's voice.

"I know that this is probably completely the wrong time and totally out of line but do you think I could maybe come by and see you?"

"What? When?" Their relationship with Rose had matured into a solid friendship although the couple never moved back to New York as expected. The two families visited each other regularly when they were near each other and Ashlee and Rose were constantly exchanging texts and emails. They both laughed that they strictly avoided making eye contact much less conversations with people at airports but the stars had been aligned that day. "Why didn't you tell me that you and Bobby were going to be in town? We would have picked you up." When she didn't get a response for a few moments Ashlee thought they'd lost connection. "Rose?"

"It'll just be me and the kids. Bobby isn't coming."

"Oh okay but is anything wrong sweetie you sound a little off."

"I'm sorry I know it's inconvenient but I was hoping that I could come. I mean I don't want to be any trouble so if you can't I totally understand but…"

"Hey none of that of course you can come. When are you flying in so either Ava or I can arrange to pick you up from the airport?"

"Um would right now be a bad time?"

"You're flying in tonight?"

"I'm actually already here. I'm standing by the carousel"

"Oh" Ashlee said dumbly as her mind raced. Rose was a high powered corporate attorney who was probably one of the most level headed women she'd ever known. The woman planned out family meals months in advance. She was not a woman to jump on a plane and pop up on the spur of the moment.

"If this isn't a good time I can go to my parents. I won't be mad. I know haven't given you any notice. You probably have a million things going on. You know what that's okay. It's fine I'll just…"

"Hey stop it. I'll just tell Ava to come get you that's it. It'll give me a chance to get the guest room situated. You said it's you and both kids right?"

"If this is too much you don't have to do this. I completely understand Ash"

"Enough of that okay. I'm just going to get Ava from the table so she can get the car ready. We went shopping earlier but were too lazy to take the stuff inside. It'll just be maybe thirty minutes."

"No, if it's okay then I'll just get a cab. There's no use dragging her out of the house when there are loads of cabs right here." The other woman sounded a bit less strained by the time they got off the phone but Ashlee was even more unsettled as she explained the situation to her wife. She knew easily that the confusion on Ava's face was more than mirrored on her own but they tried to calm down some as they awaited their friend's arrival. The kids had no such worries as they saw the Baxters' at the door. Stino and Spence immediately grabbed Ricky's hand after they exchanged kisses with Aunt Rose and the three ran upstairs. Alli latched onto Reese and refused to let the little girl's hands go as she and Cat entertained the girl in the living room. Somehow Ashlee understood instinctively that Rose would be uncomfortable sharing until the children were safely asleep. Although her curiosity mounted with each passing moment she managed until everyone was bathed and tucked in. "You must be wondering what the hell is going on" Rose laughed as she nervously chewed on her fingernails.

Ava had volunteered to clean up after their impromptu dinner party leaving Ashlee and the lawyer sitting in the guest bedroom. "You don't have to tell me anything if you're uncomfortable. I just need to know that you and my Godchildren are alright."

"I guess that depends on what you consider alright."

"Rosie you're starting to scare me." Ashlee whispered as she rubbed the other woman's arms.

"I'm pretty scared myself." Rose laughed bitterly as she wiped tears from her eyes. "The man I married, the father of my children, my life partner came home from a golf game and informed me that his mistress is pregnant."

"Oh my God" Ashlee liked and respected Bobby and even considered the man a good friend so if she had the sensation of being kicked in the gut she could only imagine what his wife was feeling. The bank executive was tall, handsome, and extremely charming but never insincere or at least that's what everyone had assumed. "Jesus Christ. I mean what? Dangng I'm sorry I just don't know what to say"

"You're not the only one" Rose said as she got up and paced up and down the room. "In two weeks we were going to take the children on an extended vacation to visit our parents. A month ago we left the children with his sister and went on a romantic weekend to Martha's Vineyard."

"Whatever you need just ask, please" Ashlee said as she sat in partial shock. She wanted to get up and hug the other woman but didn't know if it would be appreciated by her friend.

"She's his best friend's sitter. She's nineteen and he wants to fulfill his obligations to her and his new child. He said he needs time to get his head together. Can you believe that son of a bitch he had the nerve to say that to me with a straight face."

"Better you than me. I think I would have been calling you to recommend a criminal lawyer specializing in murder cases." Ashlee tried to joke but the attempt fell flat when she heard the next words that came out of Roses mouth.

"What about his obligations to me, Ricky, and Reese?" Ashlee did not think it possible to hurt for her friend anymore until Rose revealed another hidden secret. "What about our baby?" as she stroked her hand across her currently flat stomach.

"Jesus. Does he know?"

"He's spent the last three months persuading me that another child was exactly what our family needed. That's why were visiting our parents and celebrating in Massachusetts. She's due a month before me. Pretty funny uh?" There were no words capable of lessening even an ounce of her grief and Ashlee spent the rest of the night holding her friend and listening to all her catalog all of her fears and worries. By the time that she tiptoed out of the room just before dawn Ava had fallen asleep awaiting her return and woke to Ashlee raining kisses on her brow.

"Wow I must be even better than I thought if I get this and I didn't even do anything."

"You did everything. I can't believe how lucky I am to have someone like you" Ashlee whispered in between kisses.

"I'm the lucky one. I don't know where I would be without you."

"You won't ever find out. I promise." Ashlee vowed as Ava held her tight.


	16. Chapter 16

Shaken and restored faith

_(Ashlee hoped for lots of students to distract her from her worries. Walking in the door she first smelt then saw a vase filled with assorted colored tea roses. "Oh"_

_"Should I be jealous? I've heard about student professor affairs")_

"Avahhh" Ashlee cried out from the bedroom above. It was the first time this month that they'd been alone for more than a few hours and her wife was messing about downstairs instead of in their bed making love to her. The girls were spending the night at the farmhouse awaiting morning when their abuelo and grandma took them to Chicago to see their aunt Fancy playing soccer. Spence and Stino might have been a better choice since they both played the game but the dean had given Doris four tickets to the college's Seattle hockey game. It was Stino's new passion. Natalia was of the opinion that it was a chance for her nieto's Spencer genes to finally break through. When the phone woke her Ashlee rolled over and reached out for her wife and found an empty cool space she was understandably pissed. "Avahh"

The house was too quiet for Ava to sleep long. She kept expecting Ally or Spence to wander into the room demanding breakfast and a section of mattress. It was amazing what one got used to. If Thomas were barking or the kids yelling she wouldn't have moved an inch but a few limbs scraping across the roof and she was up in seconds. As she made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the phone rang. According to the microwave it was a little after midnight so who would be calling this late? The irritation for the inconvenience soon left as she imagined either her mother or in laws calling about one of the children. "Hello? Hello?"

"Ashlee? Ash?" a vaguely familiar male said over the phone. "Baby can you talk?"

In that second the world and the cellphone fell away and pain unlike anything she'd ever experienced enveloped her. "No. No." She kept whispering over and over to herself. By the time Ashlee found her Ava was shivering not only from the cold but also the overwhelming fear of her life upending.

"What are you doing down there?" Ashlee immediately asked when she found her wife crouched behind the sofa with Thomas laying on her lap. "Ava? Ava? What's wrong baby?" she asked as she attempted to pull Ava from the floor but quickly stumbled backwards when her wife roughly pulled away. Ashlee started to say "Ava what the hell is going on with you?" but the open rage in those usually warm eyes froze the words in her throat. There were so many images searing through her brain. Pictures of this man touching, kissing, making love to her wife and they were so vivid that Ava could barely focus on Ashlee's worried face. How could she? How could she throw everything they had away? Was she fantasizing of him when Ava made love to her? Everything inside of her made Ava want to demand answers and force Ashlee to detail her every stolen moment with this bastard. But even as her pride cried out her heart settled into a pitiful fitful hole. What if she was in love with him? What if she left? What if she took the children with her? All the pain that she'd fought so hard to endure after Max's death compounded. Ava could confront her and end up alone or she could accept the situation and pray that she kept her family. "Baby?"

"I'm sorry. I must have had a bad dream."

"Are you sure?" Ashlee asked as she pulled Ava into her arms. "You're white as a sheet."

It took all her strength not to pull away in disgust when Ashlee held her close. The other woman pulled back as she stroked Ava's face. "Sweetie?"

"I'm fine Ash. I just want to get back to bed." She could tell that Ashlee was still worried but only followed her quietly up to the bedroom. The thought of getting back into bed with Ashlee literally was threatening to make her ill. The one thing that she was proudest of about their relationship was that it had never been about sex. In fact she had almost lost Ashlee because she refused to just fall into bed with her at the beginning of their relationship. It could never be simply sex because Ashlee was so much better than that. Her body wasn't a commodity to be used as a bargaining chip or a playground for meaningless recreation. It had always been an embodiment of love but what was it now? What was it for her and the man on the phone? "I'm going to take a bath."

Ashlee looked at Ava puzzled but then shrugged her shoulders and said "Okay" as she started to undo her robe.

"No I just need a few minutes alone." Ava said a little too roughly before she forced on a smile and rubbed the hands that Ashlee placed on her shoulders. "I'm just feeling weird. I'm going to stand under the water for a few seconds. I'll be right back." The smile stayed on until the door was firmly closed behind her and again the darkness fell upon her. If only she hadn't forgotten to bring the wine up to seduce her wife. Then she would only have to wait a few minutes before Ashlee passed out asleep. As it was the blond would not be resting until she was sure Ava was alright but it would never be alright again as far as Ava was concerned. Ava stayed as long as she could until Ashlee began to softly knock on the door. "Babe are you okay?" No. No I won't ever be okay again Ava said to herself as she lay across from her wife silently weeping.

It amazed her how in tune Ashlee was with her. The blue eyes kept begging her to open up and to say what had gone so wrong on their perfect weekend. They spent the next few hours each working in their own office. Or at least she thought Ashlee worked but Ava only sat at the computer picturing her world crumbling bit by bit until the inevitable knock on her office door. "Ava. May I come in please?"

Choking back tears Ava tried her best to casually ask "What's up?"

"I don't know. Everything seemed fine until you left our bed last night"

Any other time her genetic heritage would have peeked through and she could have bsed her way through this but it was still too raw. With tears in her eyes Ava held her head down and tried to keep her voice level. "I'm fine. Just busy with home and office work."

"Don't lie to me. Something is bothering you. You can just tell me or we can drag it out but I'm going to find out."

This was so not the time. "Ash I'm busy. So if you could close the door behind you."

"You don't get to pull away and use work as a smoke screen. I want to know the truth and I want to know now!"

"You are the last person that should be demanding the truth." She was upset and it was making her sloppy Ava thought shaking her head. You're blowing it Peralta.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not doing this." Ava announced and moved to leave the room but was pulled short when Ashlee grabbed her arm tight.

"What the Hell is that supposed to mean?!" Ashlee demanded as Ava sharply jerked her arm away.

"It means I'm not doing This" Ava growled before Ashlee pulled her tighter with both arms this time.

"Talk to me please. Everything was great. Everything was perfect and then it wasn't. Tell me what happened. Please Ava. Please baby. What happened?"

She should have been able to hold it in but seeing those blue eyes fill tears always had a demoralizing effect on her. What could Ava tell her when she wasn't even sure what was wrong? She didn't know how she'd pushed Ashlee away and she didn't know how to even try to pull her back. Ava didn't even know if she had the strength. "I don't want to do this" Ava openly cried trying to avoid the terrifying confrontation. "Please just leave it alone."

"I can't. I can't leave it alone because it's hurting you. And if it's hurting you then it's hurting us. I can't let it hurt us."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

"Really?"

"Of course. You know that."

"Then why are you with him?" Ava whimpered.

"What?"

"Don't lie. Don't lie to me. I would have ignored it. I wanted to get past it and just file it under things to deal with. I would have done that for you and our family but now that you pulled it out of me why? How could you hurt us like that?"

"What are you talking about?"

Looking at her wife straight in the eye Ava declared. "I know"

"Know what? Ava just tell me exactly what you think you know. Okay?"

"Your boyfriend called last night wanting to know if you could talk. He called your cell phone so I'm sure he didn't expect me to pick up but you left it downstairs and I didn't want the ringing to wake you up." Ava sounded so defeated and hollow that Ashlee almost asked her to repeat the entire sentence.

"Ava I don't know what you're talking about but"

"Don't Fucking Lie To Me!" Ava yelled and started pacing up and down the hall. "You asked for the truth the least you can do is give me the fucking courtesy of being honest."

She wanted to yell and scream but Ashlee knew that was the last thing either of them needed especially if they were going to get out of this intact. "I'm not lying to you. I have never lied to you. Not once. Not about anything. I promise."

"How am I supposed to believe you? How am I supposed to believe another fucking word that comes out of your mouth?"

"I have never lied to you Ava. I am not having an affair with anyone…."

"So you I guess you don't know Mark Christian? I guess that doesn't ring any bells because his number is in your phone. And you've talked to him almost every day this week." Ashlee's fluttering eyes almost broke her but it was out in the open now and too late to suppress.

"He's my teaching assistant. We talked about lesson plans and how the day went. That's all."

"Yeah I'm sure. That's why he called after midnight asking if it was safe for you to talk. Yeah sure and I have a bridge to sell you."

"I swear to you that I am not sleeping with him or anyone else." Ashlee vowed as Ava turned her head to walk away. "Look at me. Look at me Ava. Look into my eyes and tell me that I'm lying to you. Tell me that I had sex with someone else hours before I came home to be with you and our children. Tell me that I let him touch me and then came home and let you follow that. Tell me that I would destroy everything we have like that. Tell me Ava. Tell me!"

The anguish in Ashlee's eyes matched the pain in Ava's heart "Ash then why would he call you like that? I'm not a fool. He wasn't calling to discuss what book to go over Monday" and then she saw the tell tale blush that darkened her wife's cheeks and turned away in defeat.

"No. I'm not sleeping with him. I promise"

"But?" Ava urged.

With her head held down Ashlee finally confessed. "But he has been pursing me."

"And you want him?"

"Of course not!" Ashlee exclaimed before she sighed deeply. "I should have told you and been more firm with him."

"Why? Am I not enough?"

"Of course you are. Baby of course you are" Ashlee cooed and methodically moved closer to stoke Ava's face.

"Then why?" Ava begged with a strained voice.

"I'm stupid." Ashlee's voice dropped several decimals. "I was flattered by his interest and I didn't see the point of telling you because I knew that nothing would ever happen."

"So what you flirt with him back? What do you say to him? Tell me what kind of innuendo you come up with over freshmen lit"

"Ava don't do this."

"Do what? Find out what my wife's not getting from me so that she has to get it from this son of a bitch?"

"Because it has nothing to do with you! Don't you get that?"

"Nothing to do with me?" Ava harshly barked. "I think if someone is chatting up my wife it damn well has something to do with Me!"

"Are you telling me that you tell me about every person that flirts with you? Every business meeting when someone suggests testing out one of those comfortable Beacon beds? Or how about when you go to the mall or the grocery store and someone tries to get your number or to give you theirs?"

"They are strangers Ash. I don't entertain their stupid fantasies."

"Exactly!"

"And I don't spend five days a week eight hours a day passing notes with them either!"

Leaning against the desk and holding her head in her hands Ashlee tried again to reason with her wife. "You're right. I should have told you but it felt good to be noticed and complimented."

"Which I don't do?"

"Baby could you please just listen to me? Could you just open your mind to me for a few seconds?" When Ava slightly inclined her head Ashlee continued. "You are an extremely beautiful woman and I am so proud to be your wife and partner. I was so surprised that you even noticed me much less fell in love with me as deeply as I fell in love with you." Ava tried her best to truly listen but it was hard not to interrupt and repeat her angry demand. "Before you I've never felt beautiful or desired. Coop tried but I always felt that he loved me in spite of my looks. But with you for the first time I actually believed it." Ashlee took Ava's head in both hands and looked straight in to her eyes. "When Mark noticed me it felt so good because I finally thought maybe I deserved you. Maybe you weren't slumming when you were with me. I shouldn't have encouraged him and I should have firmly told him it was unacceptable. But please know that I never ever even considered being with him or anyone else. I love you so much baby. So much. And I will do anything to make this right. To regain your trust." Ashlee vowed.

"I just don't want to lose our family." Ava cried as Ashlee moved her towards the desk and made passionate and desperate love to her. In the morning they sat leaned against the headboard with the cell phone between them. "You don't have to do this."

"Yes I do. I should have done this at the beginning but I don't ever want you to feel threatened or fearful of my love and commitment to you." Ashlee promised as she briefly kissed her wife as the phone rang and heard the baritone hello. It was a difficult conversation because Ashlee realized that not only had her childishness hurt her wife but she had also used a young man that was always warm and kind to her. It was going to take a lot of work but she was going to erase the pain in Ava's brown eyes if it was the last thing she did.


End file.
